Roid Rage

I don't get sports. I just don't get it. It's always affected my social life negatively, making it difficult to bond with other males. Considering that I also don't know anything about tools, cars or technology, I basically have to make guy friends that don't like to talk much, or that don't mind if I stop listening once I hear the phrase "designated hitter rule."

So, you won't get a lot of sports-related rants on this blog, except maybe, MAYBE, some comments on the World Series of Poker, of which I have become a fan. Perhaps you'd rather check out this blog, which discusses sports all the time, as well as ridiculous right-wing propaganda such as this gem from Thanksgiving Day:

There has been a lot of anti-american rhetoric and protest recently- especially from those enclaves separated from reality known as our institutions of higher learning. It seems nothing can endear you quicker as an intellectual these days is to attack how terrible or unfair America is...

And, fellas, it's written by a lady! Booooooya! Ignorance is so hot right now.

But I digress. The point of this post was initially supposed to be about Jason Giambi's admission this week to years of knowing steroid abuse. In particular, I'm dismayed at the faux "shock" of sports fans and much of the sports media. This editorial by Steve Kettmann lays out basically how I feel about the subject. It's obvious that many professional athletes abuse steroids, even if you rarely, if ever, actually pay attention to what's going on in sports.

Every ballplayer in sports right now wants to be like Sammy Sosa, not because he's so amazingly great at the game or because his English sounds so lovely, but because everyone, even non-sports fans like myself, knows who he is. So he gets those Pepsi commercials and makes several trillion dollars. So, to consistantly hit home runs off of major league pitchers, these guys will do whatever it takes, including risk their health by abusing drugs. People abuse drugs every day just because it's fun, drugs that don't enhance a goddamn thing about them!

So, cut the crap, sports fans. You knew Giambi wasn't just eating an extra helping of mashed potatoes to bulk up. Everyone knows that normal guys don't get to look like Mark McGwire by hitting the gym a few times a week. You could do Bruce Willis' weight regimen from Unbreakable every day for 20 years and never look like that guy. It would take a team of archeologists a decade to find his neck.

But there's no outcry because people like seeing home runs. Steroids, as unhealthy and dangerous and immoral as their use can be, make sports (just a slight bit) more interesting.

So, what's the solution? There probably isn't one, any more than there's a solution from drug abuse in general society. And, regrettably, in both situations, the standard response to a serious problem is the same: hypocritical calls for strict laws concerning all drugs. I have a feeling most people would like to go easier on drug offenders, people who have done nothing wrong except for abuse their own bodies with drug use.

If you want athletes to seriously stop taking steroids, you've got to test anyone who suddenly bulks up without warning, anyone who starts performing far above their previous levels, anyone whose behavior is in the least bit suspicious. And if they fail a drug test, just once, for any drug, you kick them out of the sport. But does anyone want that? It doesn't sound very appealing to me. But, then again, what do I know? I hate sports.