Thursday, November 05, 2009

There is no harder thing than having Glenn Beck outlive your child...

Are they mocking Glenn Beck? Or the intense hatred of Glenn Beck that has become de rigueur for all sane Americans? Who cares! It's funny!

Posted via web from Lon Harris

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

14 Unfortunate Things to See in Your FlashForward

14. You turn on the radio and discover that, contrary to Jigga's prognosis, Auto-Tune was just momentarily incapacitated, but didn't die.

13. Your personal productivity takes a hit after new president Arnold Schwarzenegger decrees that all letters and e-mails must now spell out dirty words if you read the first letter of each line.

12. You're enjoying a delicious protein bar until you check the label and see that it's Soylent Green.

11. There's some weird guy crashing on your couch.  He keeps calling you "Sugar Bear."

10. Latest "Avatar" trailer...Still kind of disappointing...

9. Future You still hasn't quite come to terms with the untimely loss of Billy Mays.

8. You finally have health insurance, which you're using to buy Super-AIDS medicine.

7. You're in your favorite neighborhood bar, it's full of hipsters, and you're kind of starting to not mind so much.

6. Your hard drive is completely filled with Russian fetish porn. And someone has reorganized it and messed up all the file names.

5. You're on a tour promoting your new book, "How I Got Brutally Gang-Raped Moments After Having a Vision of the Future."

4. You assume you've died and gone to Hell as punishment for your sins until you catch a glimpse of a newspaper and realize you just moved to Phoenix.

3. You're in a meeting with the local terrorist cell, which you've joined, and all their plans are stupid.

2. You're at a Tijuana donkey show. You're the donkey.

1. You're watching Season 2 of FlashForward.

Posted via email from Lon Harris