Friday, May 22, 2009

Paris Hilton, Asher Roth, @shiralazar and, of course, Keyboard Cat, all on today's #TWIYT

I've never even heard of this "Asher Roth" guy but WOW...what a douchebag.

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Adventures of the Bruce Willis-Bot in the Year 3000!

Kind of an interesting premise, although it invites comparisons to a LOT of other recent movies about androids.

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Dr. Shine and Dee-Dee's ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to their newsletter

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Zach Braff to write, direct and star in "Swingles"...and ruin my life

Zack Braff has absolute power in the land of the “Swingles.” According to Variety, Braff will direct the romantic comedy, which will be his first feature since 2004’s “Garden State.” The project already boasts leading lady Cameron Diaz, but Braff isn’t content with merely directing her. He will also be co-starring and rewriting the film.

“Swingles” centers on a bachelor who is dumped by his wingman. Having studied his “Top Gun,” the bachelor knows that he can’t fly solo, and he decides that his next pickup companion will be a wingwoman. Sounds like a plan, right? Not so fast. The new winglady is a “sharp-tongued” sort, and our bachelor can’t stand her. Of course we all know where this is probably going: loathing turns into love and things wrap up with a little “happily ever after.”

For the love of all things holy...Words fail. The thought of a movie in which Zach Braff studies "Top Gun" for romantic advice and tests its lessons in the field alongside Cameron Diaz reminds me of every nightmare I've ever had, times 500. I would rather direct myself in a snuff film.

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One of the 20 films coming out soon with "9" in the title looks cool (via @sweetums)

Animated movies are just getting more and more dystopian all the time. First, "WALL-E" was set on a future Earth covered in trash, now "9" is set on a future Earth covered in trash and monsters? By 2011, CG animated films will just be set in a pit filled with feces and jagged shards of glass. "The Legend of Shitglass: Chapter the First."

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Whoopi Goldberg Calls Glenn Beck A 'Lying Sack Of Dog Mess'

Not typically a fan of the political commentary on "The View," which tends towards discussions about whether or not the world is flat, but Barbara Walters and Whoopi Goldberg's harassment of Glenn Beck is pretty glorious.

She also gets him to deny being a reporter and admit that he does not check facts. Sweet.

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Bionic Commando Walkthrough

A lot of new walkthroughs going up at Mahalo this week...We've got a writer started on this new game, "Bionic Commando," which was originally an arcade game from '87 that was turned into an NES game in '88  This new game is a direct sequel to the classic game, and the first full BC game for any next-generation system.  (There was an enhanced remake of the NES game available on Xbox Live Arcade).  I'm not really familiar with the originals...

Haven't had a chance to play it yet, though I've heard the controls are kind of sluggish.  The graphics look pretty cool though, and I'm curious to see what that arm cannon thing does...

You can check out the full walkthrough here on Mahalo:

We're also working on "Velvet Assassin" and "Terminator: Salvation" at the moment.  More to come on those...

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Bad Quizno's! That's a bad Quiznos!

2 Girls, 1 Sub? Are they kidding? Quizno's is now purposefully associating their brand with eating poo?

You know Don Draper would not stand for this kind of thing.

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Where Are Your Goddamn Brains?!?

Stay tuned for an EXTRA SPECIAL GUEST!

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Monday, May 18, 2009

My god, you mean to say that, should the worst happen, the VP will be at HIS OWN HOUSE??!?

Dick Cheney is getting a nuclear bunker. Or a spy tunnel. Or a helicopter landing pad. Or maybe nothing at all.

Rumours are rife in Washington about the nature of building work being carried out at the Naval Observatory, which includes the official residence of the vice-president of the United States.

But though regular blasts and construction traffic show that something is going on at 1 Observatory Circle, no-one will say what it is.

Yeah, I'm not saying that Joe Biden isn't prone to making stupid absent-minded gaffes. He does it all the time. In fact, Joe Biden says hilariously silly things so often, you don't need to invent them when they don't really happen.

Everyone has known since 2002 that Dick Cheney had a bunker built under his house. Because Dick Cheney was a paranoid motherfucker, and he was making a huge crazy racket under his house in 2002 when the thing was built. This is an article from the BBC back then...The first sentence of the lede is "Dick Cheney is getting a nuclear bunker."

Getting angry at Joe Biden for revealing this is like getting upset at Leonard Maltin for revealing that "Shakespeare in Love" beats "Saving Private Ryan" for Best Picture. That shit already happened...

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Sherlock Holmes Trailer (via @sketch678)

Not bad...Sort of Sherlock Holmes as a superhero...Downey Jr looks fun.

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Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Story of Grizz and Dot Com (via @sweetums)

Tina Fey says Grizz and Dot Com are real friends of Tracy Morgan...And those are their real nicknames? Amazing...So amazing, in fact, I'm not sure I believe her.

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The Unknown Unknowns of Donald Rumsfeld

Today's must-read is Robert Draper's article for GQ on the fall and even further fall of former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. It's almost too surreal to believe. As Smithers once said, Rumsfeld went moved from ordinary villainy to cartoonish "super-villainy."

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