Saturday, September 15, 2007

Prostitutes Don't Stick to David Vitter

Today is the third day in a row I've quarantined myself in my bedroom. I'm suffering from some odd illness - it's not quite a head cold, it's not quite the flu, I'm not sure what it is. (Believing myself no longer contagious, I did join my father and brother for a birthday celebration last night at Ye Olde King's Head in Santa Monica. Then I came home and collapsed.) All I know about my illness is that it sucks and I feel worn out all the time, even just after I wake up from 12 hours of fitful rest.

The last time I felt this way, I went to the doctor and he told me I had something called Pharyngitis, which is a fancy medical term for a sore throat. Since I'm fairly certain I had told him that I was suffering from a sore throat at the beginning of the appointment, this turned out to be a largely wasted afternoon, though I did get some nice antibiotics out of it that I wish I had held on to.

It would seem to be a perfect time to get some writing/blogging done, what with my total inability to go anywhere and do anything. I've got a script that definitely needs some attention. Unfortunately, my brain can't seem to focus in on anything - I have mental in addition to sinus congestion. What the hell? So, instead of just being locked in my room alone, I'm locked in my room alone with the most boring version of myself possible. And, let me tell you, that's pretty goddamn boring.

Yesterday, I actually watched Armed and Dangerous...that's how bad it has gotten. I've sunk that low in 3 days. Hopefully, my white blood cells can turn this thing around in the next 24 hours or so, or I'm doomed.

One thing I did want to talk about was this article about disgraced Senator David Vitter from the other day. It's just about how the specific claims made by a New Orleans prostitute don't seem to bode well for his political future.

On Tuesday, Wendy Ellis, a former New Orleans prostitute, presented her case at a Beverly Hills, Calif., news conference arranged by Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt. She said Vitter was one of her clients in 1999, the year he won a seat in the U.S. House.

Vitter has denied those claims, but Flynt said Ellis recently passed a lie detector test that confirms her side of the story. Ellis was previously identified as Wendy Cortez, the name she used as a prostitute.

Nothing too shocking there. The guy liked whores and didn't feel that this should keep him from running a Family Values-themed campaign. Some people are actually still surprised by revelations like this:

"The conservative anti-gay crusader liked to hook up in bathrooms with men!"

"The Family Values candidate spent money visiting whores!"

"Newt Gingrich, immediately after divorcing his cancer-stricken, hospital-bound wife on whom he'd been cheating, ate an entire side of beef and had enough room left over for a triple-serving of Boston Cream Pie!"

You just have to remember that these individuals don't think any of the rules apply to them. None. So, when they advocate any principle, from bans on gay marriage to commemorating July 12 as National Ovaltine Awareness Day, they're just advocating it for you. You should be aware of Ovaltine. You shouldn't be allowed to be gay. They're already in the Senate, so what they do is their own business.

This sense of entitlement really does explain a whole lot. It's why Republicans get so upset when liberal bloggers call them "chickenhawks." They're not avoiding sending their kids to Iraq (or going themselves) just because it's dangerous. They're avoiding it because serving America is not what Senators and Congresspersons do. They leave that to the commoners. Their job is to sit around and decide how the rest of us should act. Duh.

I mean, just take a look at this comment at the end of the Vitter article, from Louisiana talk radio host Lee Fletcher:

"The consensus even among the folks behind the scenes is that it's not going anywhere. It's been tried and it didn't stick," Fletcher said about the allegations. "What's really helped Vitter, the people going after him are a pornographer and a prostitute. And therefore they have less credibility than anybody I can think of."

See, because David Vitter is a Senator, his word automatically overrules that of a common prostitute, even though he's being accused of, you know, having sex with prostitutes. "Find a witness to David Vitter's covert use of prostitutes who has no connection with prostitution," that's Lee Fletcher's legal motto. If that kind of stupidity doesn't tip you off that these people just consider themselves better than you, and therefore above your petty American laws, I don't know what will.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Rewriting Your Dream-Banner

Man, this is totally brilliant...

Missed it on TV. Glad Comedy Central finally wised up and started streaming this stuff online.

[Hat tip: Sullivan]

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Your Women...How Much for the Women?

Check out this hilarious, likely-to-be-a-hoax website Marry Our Daughter It allows prospective grooms, provided they are good Christians, to bid on teenage brides!

The late Founder and CEO of

Kyra's 14 and a half. She's a real bargain at $27,995:

Kyra likes the outdoors, more the open air of the beach or the desert than the woods. She would love to live somewhere away from it all. She is bright and funny and full of life and while she has little direct experience with the opposite sex we have made sure she is aware of everything she needs to know to be a good wife and mother.

See? It's almost creepy enough to be real.

But, alas, it's not. How do I know? Well, first off, the folks at Snopes, who are always on top of such things, have pretty much declared the thing fake.

There's very little actual information on the site, save for a FAQ:

A: The bride price is an ancient custom, somewhat like a dowry. A man wishing to marry a woman would offer her family a Bride Price in cash or kind, or sometimes offer to work for their family.

A: In that case, you might want to closely examine how you are proposing and how carefully you are matching your likes and dislikes, your goals and dreams, to those of your prospective bride.

Also, lines like this kind of give it away:

Please do not propose to multiple Daughters or you risk having all your proposals disqualified.

Plus, the "testimonials" are just too perfect:

"Thank God for your site! Our daughter was really nervous walking down the aisle, but she seems okay now and the money we got let us keep our farm and even add on a few acres."

—Mrs. Addrien L.

[Hat tip: Tristero at Digby's blog]

Dinosaur Jr at the Wiltern

Just got home from the Dinosaur Jr. show tonight at the Wiltern. Unbelievable show. Really incredible. Their new album from earlier this year, "Beyond," was impressive considering how long it has been since these guys played together, but the show tonight still blew me away. Seriously, you'd think this band hadn't taken a break since the glory days - they're still incredibly tight.

The opening act was Band of Horses, a well-regarded indie outfit best known for the single, "Funeral," a really solid song.


Unfortunately, the band's just intensely dull live. They didn't seem very into their own music. Very distant, even during the up-tempo songs and solos. At one point, I remarked to my friend Dave that they sounded like a not-at-all-fired-up My Morning Jacket, and the guy in front of my turned around and agreed. I think that's all that needs be said on the matter.

But Dinosaur Jr. was just non-stop, in-your-face intensity from minute one. They played a bunch of cool songs from "Beyond" as well as some of the old-school classics, and everything souned great - blazingly-loud noise-rock at its best, and the guys were clearly taking joy in performing. When the band's having a good time, it's just infectious.

I was actually a fan of Lou Barlow before I got into Dinosaur Jr. (I got very into Sebadoh my freshman year at college), so it was great to see him play some of his own songs, but the real treat was J. Mascis on guitar. His voice has completely held up, don't get me wrong. I guess it helps that his singing was almost more quirky and idiosyncratic than pretty, even on the classic albums. But the guy just fucking shreds.

Did I mention this concert was incredibly loud? My ears are still ringing. Seriously. But it was all worth it. Here's just a sample of the great Dino Jr. songs I heard tonight: