Saturday, July 16, 2005


The Indistinguished Gentleman from Pennsylvania takes the Top Prize! Senator Rick Santorum, come on down...By an exceedingly large margin, Crushed by Inertia readers have voted you the


Oh, come now, Senator...surely you can manage a bit more excitement than that. Come on! You received a full 3/5 of the TOTAL VOTES for Worst Person Alive. The BTK Killer only got two votes, man! He fucking murdered families!

It seems to me that a big man might be able to accept a little criticism.

THAT small? Really? Okay, so you're not exactly a big man...but can't you accept that most Americans oppose your virulently intolerant, mean-spirited and theocratic ways? I mean, shit, man, just accept the award with some dignity.

That's better!

After receiving his award, Santorum was escorted off by the friendly Nation of Islam guys I had hired as personal security. I'm sure they'll take excellent care of him.

Just for the sake of trivia, that's the first time Santorum has allowed a black man to touch his person since a friendly carnival employee helped him off the Tilt-a-Whirl at age 11.

So, there you have it, folks. The very 1st Braffy Awards are officially over. Thanks again to everyone who voted and to all the blogs kind enough to give me a shot in the arm, traffic-wise.

Lauryn Hill, take us home!

Um...Lauryn? You there? Oh well...


Horsey said...

Time to open those bottles of santorum you've been saving -- whoooo hooooooo!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Can Santorscum possibly be a "contender" in 2008?????

Lons said...

Based on his level of popularity among Crushed by Inertia readers (a diverse group if ever there was one), his chances of victory in a presidential race fall somewhere between Osama bin Laden's and Jacques Chirac's.