Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Greed is Good

I feel like a shit. I have plans tonight to attend a stand-up comedy performance with my friend Cory. The evening's entertainment may run me as much as $15 or $20. Normally, this would not be a prohibitive amount to spend on a night out that will likely include stage entertainment, cocktails and a reasonably-priced entree, but I have just hit my father up for money today. And when you're 26 and hitting your father up for money, you have a problem that no amount of stand-up comedy will resolve.

I feel bad enough about having to mooch off my parents. I have a job at this point, but it doesn't really pay quite what you'd hope, and a sudden onslaught of bills has caught me off-guard. Plus, I'm fond of mooching. Very fond. And good at it, too. I can mooch so successfully, people actually begin to believe it was their idea to give me money. Can you believe it? If only I could go career.

But, alas, I know the gravy train will be running out soon. Which is why I feel bad about squandering vital fiduciary resources on professional comics, even if it is The Great David Cross. (It is.) So, what I'm saying is, membership to Crushed By Inertia will now run you $30 a month. But don't worry! I'll post some naked pictures up here or something, to make it worth your while. And I'll only sell your e-mail address to reputable sources, or failing that, companies whose ad ware is mild and unnoticable.

3 comments:

sieger said...

Hey Lon,
Your not the only one. As long a syou don't spend the money on drugs or alcohol I think it's legal. I mean David Cross, you can't miss that. Also you could be 36 an getting money from your parents.

Lons said...

What if I do spend the money on drugs and alcohol, but I give some of those drugs back to my parents? Doesn't that count for anything?

Anonymous said...

I can guarantee you $30 in the mail tomorrow if you can promise a steady stream of naked pictures.