The Beast With Two Brownbacks

I find that I write about sex and sexuality on this blog a lot more than I thought I would. My original idea was to write a lot about politics and movies, and I have, but the Internet seems to offer a limitless supply of dumb or freaky opinions on sex, and every time I read them, I automatically think "Hey! This should go on my blog!" So, if you're sick of me goofing on freaks with dumb ideas about sex, this ain't the article for you.

You're still here?

Of course you are. Everyone's just as fascinated by this crap as I am. You just don't want to admit it.

According to an article in WIRED, clinicians and "experts" testifying before a Senate subcommittee in November reported that Internet porn is more addictive than crack cocaine. Oh, snap, for real? Dang! I could be making some money off this stuff on the street, and I've just been using it for masturbation! What the hell!

Check this out:

Mary Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania's Center for Cognitive Therapy, called porn the "most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today."

The most concerning thing? Doesn't she feel this is a bit overdramatic, or even hysterical? How many hundreds of thousands of people are homeless due to alcoholism, drug addiction, schizophrenia and other mental and social disorders? Isn't that of greater concern to us all than Is anyone on the streets because of porn addiction?

That quote basically let me know not to take these people seriously. But it gets worse.

Jeffrey Satinover, a psychiatrist and advisor to the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality echoed Layden's concern about the internet and the somatic effects of pornography.

"Pornography really does, unlike other addictions, biologically cause direct release of the most perfect addictive substance," Satinover said. "That is, it causes masturbation, which causes release of the naturally occurring opioids. It does what heroin can't do, in effect."

Hmmm....did you find the name of that organization linked there a bit fishy? The National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality? So, of course, I clicked the link. Here's the mission statement of that organizationwhat I found

Welcome to the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) -- a non-profit, educational organization dedicated to affirming a complementary, male-female model of gender and sexuality.

So, yeah, now it makes sense. These are people who dislike pornography for religious or personal reasons, and have taken it upon themselves to tell us all how horrible it is. Perhaps the most amusing part of this entire thing is that the Senate subcommittee is not attached to any pending legislation. They just were curious about this issue and decided to get recommendations from so-called "experts." Really, villainous subcommittee chairman Sam Brownback (R-Kansas-Douchebag) wanted to talk about porno for a few weeks, so he came up with a fun little project.

And, by the way, that quote above there about masturbation and opiods is completely ridiculous. You can tell that's a guy who thinks it's wrong to masturbate...It's unnatural, like taking heroin, causing your brain to have a reaction it will then become addicted to. But sexual gratification is something our bodies are designed to experience, unlike a nice shot of fucking heroin, you idiot. It'd be just like arguing that breathing is addictive, because once you start doing it, it becomes difficult to stop.

Are some people chronic masturbators, doing it more than it healthy? Who told you?! Um, I mean, yeah, I'm sure some people are. But does this have anything to do with the pernicious effects of Internet porn? Of course not. It has to do with the person needing to get out of the house a bit more.

I'll leave you with this hi-larious quote from Sam Brownback...Senator, Guy from Kansas, Christian, and Crushed by Inertia's Asshole of the Week. Here's Topeka Sam talking about pornography "back in my day":

Some guy would sneak a magazine in somewhere and show some of us, but you had to find him at the right time.

Ahhh, memories.