Saturday, July 23, 2005

Interview with the Vampire...'s Fraud Victim

Hey, before you laugh at this Italian lady who believes in vampires, consider how many Americans believe in angels.

An Italian couple stole 50,000 euros (34,700 pounds) from a woman in the Sicilian city of Palermo after convincing her they were vampires who would impregnate her with the son of the Anti-Christ if she did not pay them.

I mean, yeah, that's reasonable. The odd part is, impregnating women with the anti-Christ's child isn't even part of vampire mythology. They're getting their horror movies mixed up. How can anyone impregnate you with the anti-Christ's child, by the way, if they're not the anti-Christ? Doesn't he have to do that himself, by definition?

What do vampires need with 50,000 euros anyway? Food? That's free, pumping through the veins of every passerby. And if anyone has anything you'd want to buy, can't you just kill them and take it? What's the point of being a vampire if you still have to live on a budget?

The man, a cabaret singer, and his girlfriend took the money from their victim over four years by selling her pills at 3,000 euros each that they said would abort the Anti-Christ's son.

Here's where the story gets confusing...

Why would she need pills to abort Satan's child, unless she thought she had already been impregnated by him? But how could you go about convincing some poor Italian lady that you have implanted demonseed in her womb. I mean, that's a tough story to sell.

"Hey, I know you didn't feel anything or anything, and you probably don't remember this, but last night, while you were sleeping, we came into your room, held a Satanic ritual, raised the Devil from the Underworld, and then you two had crazy Devil Sex, and now you're carrying around his baby. Seriously, I know how this sounds, but trust me. But if you take this 3000 euro pill, it'll totally abort the Devil's baby."

"Why would I be willing to abort my dark lord's only heir for a measly 3000 euros? Um...that's a good question...But I have to turn into a bat now, bye!"

The link, by the way, is courtesy of FARK.

1 comment:

Konrad said...

As we are thinking about buying a house, we would have a use for those 50.000 Euros. Maybe I should try something similar. Very funny.