Friday, July 22, 2005

Daryl Hannah Has SARS

Well, okay, maybe not. But it's either that or the zombie disease from 28 Days Later. I mean, check out this photo:

Good sweet Lord, that's terrifying. She looks like Willy Wonka's feral sister Wilhemina.

Thankfully, Ms. Hannah has announced her retirement from show business, which will hopefully give her some time to consult a mirror and wipe that red shit out of her eyes.

You see, she's decided that her work on behalf of the environment must take precedence over her acting career. Here's her comments, as transposed on The Superficial.

I am more focused on trying to save the planet and other living creatures than on my career at the moment. I won't be doing anything for a while because I'm focused on environmental issues.

Awwww...ain't she sweet? She wants to save living creatures.

I can understand her need for some time off. After all, filming 2 or 3 movies over the past decade must have been tiring. I mean, come on, who works more frequently than Daryl Hannah?

There's just no way to make this sort of announcement without seeming completely self-involved. It seems to me, a classy person would just step out of the spotlight and do what needs to be done, without making a big thing about it or martyring themselves.

But it gets even worse.

I live in a solar-powered house built with eco-friendly materials and things salvaged from a 19th century barn. I also drive a 100 per cent bio-diesel car. I try to follow this ideal through all aspects of my life.

God, what an idiot. She brags about her lavish "eco-friendly" lifestyle as if everyone had millions of dollars to toss around arranging everything in their lives to meet their high ethical and moral standards. Like families trying to eke out a living have time to salvage furniture from a 19th Century Barn! They can barely find time to restock their stash of potpourri candles from the Pier One down the street.

When you're a semi-famous faded 80's celebrity who occasionally finds ironic supporting work in indie films, I guess sometimes it's important to risk your non-career for the issues you care about. Like, you know, living creatures and stuff.


Konrad said...

I think, she took the wrong drugs. Huh, scary.......

Anonymous said...

My red eyeliner in the picture above is also eco-friendly. I hired a family of solar-powered Aborigines to stomp around in a cherry field and then collect the dust.

- Darryl

Lons said...

Solar-powered Aboriginies...nice...