Coincidentally Yours

Two odd, improbable turns at Laser Blazer today. Let's take them one at a time.

(1) Within 10 days of having my car's battery replaced, the new battery died. I had to call AAA and have the thing towed to the same Pep Boys garage as before, where they told me the problem was likely with the alternator. This was unfortunate, as that particular Pep Boys doesn't work on alternators. They have an alternative Culver City Pep Boys, to work on alternators.

Whatever the hell an alternator does. Here's my guess: I start with several hundred dollars, and then I get to experience the alternative - not having several hundred dollars. Thanks, Alternator!

As it turns out, my alternator works perfectly fine. Pep Boys just happened to accidentally install a defective battery in my car the last time out.

I figured as much, because one week is definitely not enough time for a battery to run itself out. It's not like I was removing it from the car and putting it to other uses. I wasn't playing a PSP or anything with it. I don't even drive that much, just up to Laser Blazer and back, and sometimes to procure sodas or wee...um, snacks.

Still, it sucked. And because I've already called AAA Emergency Roadside Assistance four times in the past year, the tow cost me $45! (Yes, I've already called them four times. I'm supposed to change my own tire? That requires phsyical effort.)

Now my Dad wants me to go back to Pep Boys tomorrow and try to bilk $45 out of the manager. He even had a complex strategy. First, I'm supposed to ask the guy nicely if there's any way I can get my money back, and if he refuses, I beat him on the head repeatedly with a ballpeen hammer and just take the cash out of the register.

No, seriously, I'm supposed to ask the guy nicely for the money back, and that's it. Papa seems to feel that, if approached with relative humility and kindness, the guy will clearly just give me $45, possibly from his own pocket, possibly along with his home address, a box of condoms and a list of candies his daughter likes. I mean, hey, as long as we're fantasizing.

Who knows? Maybe the Pep Boys manager will be feeling kind-hearted and he'll relent upon seeing how uncomfortable the whole situation makes me.

Okay, on to the second odd turn of events.

(2) This morning, my co-worker, a hopeful screenwriter, comes into work complaining. It seems a brilliant idea he's had for a remake is already in the works, with a certain Benicio del Toro slated to star.

Now, all of us at Laser Blazer have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for the acting talents of Mr. Del Toro (seriously...no sarcasm intended...), but naturally we expressed frustration that this great idea for a movie was already happening without any of our participation.

So we discuss this for a while off and on. Until, around 4 in the afternoon, Benicio del Toro comes into the store.

Now, he has been there before. Just about anyone who cares about movies and lives in LA has an opportunity to browse Laser Blazer. But it ain't exactly like he hangs out there all the time, like the creepy little guy who mumbles all the time and thrusts DVD's in your face demanding to know their price, even though it's printed clearly on the back of the box. Or the dude who asks us to remove the notation on his receipts indicating he has purchased "adult DVD's" because he's hoping to claim them on his income tax as a write-off. Or the guy who came in the other day and checked out the bargain bin, where he proceeded to stack each and every used DVD neatly, one on top of the other, over the course of 2 hours.

You know, he's not a regular.

And yet, just as we're discussing his future projects, in he comes. Isn't that weird? It kind of freaked me out. I should add that he's a very friendly, nice and approachable guy who seems to know a lot about movies, and who wound up buying over $1000 worth of movies exclusively for charity, so it's hard to bear a grudge just because he wants to do a cool remake.

But consider the unlikihood of both of these things happening today. Consider the odds. Out of all the Energizer car batteries installed around the country in a single day, how many do you think are defective? 1? Is it even that many, 1 defective battery per day? And yet, out of all those batteries, that one defective one winds up not just in Culver City, not just at my local Pep Boys, but installed in my car. Almost like it was planned that way, even though it clearly wasn't. Unless this is all some kind of massive conspiracy to make me slightly late to work and irritable.

And I can't figure out what role Benicio del Toro could possibly play in such an obnoxious scheme.