Get the Hell Out of my Office

So, The Donald chose his new Apprentice, and it was, in fact, Kelly, as I predicted earlier this very day. I was never a big fan of his, myself, preferring the plucky young Andy, at least until he attempted to bribe his staff at Pepsi into working faster with $100 bills. Seriously, what a bonehead.

On Yahoo, they have the application to be the next Apprentice online. I'd really like to be on the show. There's just that one small detail: I have no actual business experience. Unless planning events for an Orange County Barnes & Noble counts as business experience. But it probably doesn't. I was mostly doing business with guys like Ermal Williamson, professional John Wayne look-alike and author of WORDS WITH THE DUKE: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ERMAL WALDEN WILLIAMSON. Please do yourself a favor, by the way, and check out his website here. It includes the following quote:

Ermal does not hold back. Moreover, as an ordained minister, he still conducts weddings as the Duke in Western or military wardrobes on location, in a church, or aboard Duke’s famous yacht the “Wild Goose". Ermal has written patriotic poetry as: “John Wayne, American”, “Just a Piece of Cloth”, “America’s Kids Today”, and others that he recites on-stage and/or on horseback. Ermal has been told throughout the years, (on more than a hundred occasions) that he is more of the Reincarnation and Embodiment of the Great John Wayne than an impersonator, following in the footsteps of one of America's Great Heroes, inspiring those around him by seeking his dreams in his own devout and dedicated way.

Oh, man...That is too good...Must...not mock...kindly...old man...but can't...resist...

He conducts weddings as The Duke! Thank God the religious right in this country has preserved the Christian definition of marriage, so that this guy can perform this sacred ceremony dressed like John Wayne on a yacht called "The Wild Goose." That must be a classy affair, right? There's only one caveat: he won't marry you if one member of the couple is a dirty Sioux savage or a pinko commie traitor.

And I'm sure that poem "America's Kids Today" is classic, but I sadly couldn't find anything else about it online. Maybe I can get Ermal to ride on over here and recite it to me on horseback.