Darth is Going Down

OHMYGODTHISISSOFUCKINGGOOD!

I'm not gay, but I'm developing something of a man-crush on Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald. Check this out from today's Drudge Report.

Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald is planning to call Vice President Dick Cheney as a witness in the trial of Lewis Libby, the DRUDGE REPORT has leaned.

But the high stakes move could result in an executive privilege showdown between the White House and Fitzgerald, a top government source said Sunday.

"If Mr. Fitzgerald is going to demand a public recounting of conversations between the vice president, or even the president, and his staff, on matters he, himself, has acknowledged are 'classified,' executive privilege will obviously be invoked."

Is anyone else hoping for a Few Good Men-esque showdown in which Fitzie catches the Dickster in a web of lies, leading to a frothing-at-the-mouth, angry rant by the soon-to-be-ex-Vice President?

"The Middle East has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You, Special Counselor Fitzgerald? You Lieutenant Jew-Boy? You want me torturing those detainees. You need me torturing those detainees!"

I see Danny DeVito in his Penguin make-up from Batman Returns as Cheney and, I don't know, Chris Cooper for Fitz? Peter Sarsgaard? Robert Downey Jr.? I'm open to suggestions...

Fitzgerald has made it clear to lawyers involved in the case that he prefers Cheney appear as a witness in open court.

"Mr. Fitzgerald is starting from the position that this should not be done on remote or videotape," the well-placed source said. Fitzgerald and Libby's attorney Joseph Tate discussed possible plea options before the indictment was issued last week, TIME magazine reports in new editions. But the deal was scotched because the prosecutor insisted that Libby do some "serious" jail time.

The three greatest words in the English language...Serious Jail Time. I hope they lock that scumbag Scooter up in Abu Gharib. Let's see how he likes being held under ice water until he nearly develops hypothermia (tested via anal thermometer, of course) while loud music blares and giggling soldiers coat him with imitation menstruel blood. I'm thinking he's going to be into it.

Now, I know what you're thinking...There goes Lons again, calling every Republican a scumbag and wishing for them all to be tortured and killed in various, horror-film-inspired ways. But, no, like all the other right-wingers discussed here on CBI, Libby earns the term "scumbag" all on his own.

Here's the Center for American Progress:

It was Libby - along with Paul Wolfowitz, Doug Feith, and a handful of other top aides at the Pentagon and White House - who convinced the president that the U.S. should go to war in Iraq. It was Libby who pushed Cheney to publicly argue that Saddam Hussein had ties to al Qaeda and 9/11.

Libby's the Guy behind The Guy behind The Guy, you know? This whole Iraq thing was just some wacky idea cooked up by him and a few other neo-cons, possibly after smoking a massive blunt laced with methamphetamines, formaldehyde and fabric softener.

It was also Libby who prodded former Secretary of State Colin Powell to include specious reports about an alleged meeting between 9/11 terrorist Mohammed Atta and an Iraqi intelligence official in Powell's February 2003 speech to the United Nations. Libby and his staff reportedly badgered Powell's speechwriters for weeks, culminating in a meeting where Libby presented information in a manner that, according to those who were there, was aggressive and over the top.

Neato!

And here's the most important part of the article...About a paper written by Libby while working in the Department of Defense under the first and only sane President Bush.

The paper - highly praised by neocons at the time - called for the United States to build up its military capabilities to the point where no other country could ever rival them. Cheney, who was then secretary of defense, liked the document so much that he ordered parts of the usually secret plan declassified and made them public. This Planning Guidance document went a long way toward endearing Libby to Cheney.

That's what you need to know. That's where this guy is coming from. Endless militarism, fascistic levels of governmental control, disinformation campaigns. He's a scumbag. I hope he goes to jail for a long time, and I hope he takes his former boss with him. Actually, no, I don't want Dick to die in jail. I want him to die in some really humiliating way, like having a coronary on the shitter before a formal dinner at the White House. Or at the end of a brief address held at a convention or large event, so he can fall off the stage and directly into the orchestra pit, possibly weding his head inside a large brass instrument. Dying in jail is too good for him.