Max Power

The most popular name for dogs in America is once again Max. I guess there's nothing surprising there...I knew a guy with a dog named Max once, and I suppose if everyone else did too, that makes up a lot of dogs.

But the total list still surprised me for a few reasons. Check it out, here's the top 1-30 most popular dog names:

1. MAX
2. BUDDY
3. JAKE
4. ROCKY
5. BAILEY
6. BUSTER
7. CODY
8. CHARLIE
9. BEAR
10. JACK
11. TOBY
12. DUKE
13. LUCKY
14. SAM
15. HARLEY
16. SHADOW
17. RUSTY
18. MURPHY
19. SAMMY
20. ZEUS
21. RILEY
22. OSCAR
23. WINSTON
24. CASEY
25. TUCKER
26. TEDDY
27. GIZMO
28. SAMSON
29. OLIVER
30. BANDIT

Okay, here we go.

Weird Thing About the Dog Names List #1

How do they know? How would anyone go about compiling this list? Going door to door to ask people what they call their dog? Because not every dog is registered with, like, the Kennel Club. And even those dogs aren't registered with the names their family calls them, like "Max" or "Toby" or (ugh) "Buster." It's always, like, "Her Royal Fabulous Mathilda Sampson Delilah Marigoldblossom IV." And then the family calls the dog "Sam" or something.

So unless you're going door-to-door and waiting for a dog to run up when you ring the bell, and then crouching down and doing that "what's your name" thing with the animal, it's going to be really hard to actualyl get accurate statistics.

Weird Thing About the Dog Names List #2

#4 is Rocky. I had a dog growing up named Rocky. But we thought we were all original with the name. There was even a good reason for it: we had just moved to California from Philadelphia a few years before, and Philly is the home of Rocky Balboa, the Italian Stallion. Also, the night we got Rocky from a breeder in La Mirada was the night of the famous Northridge earthquake. So the whole thing seemed rather appropriate.

But now to find out that millions of people were giving their dog that same name, well it's kind of disconcerting. What if all of my thought processes are as typical as my choice of dog name, and I just don't know it? What if every person my age in America is having the same thoughts as me all the time, but since we don't verbalize them, no one is aware of it? Creepy...

Weird Thing About the Dog Names List #3

No Spot or Fido. At some point, those became the "cliche" dog names without anyone ever actually naming their dog one of them. What the hell is "Fido" anyway? It sounds more like a brand of athletic shoe than a dog. Maybe those are the "Ruth" and "Edna" or the dog world, so if you meet a dog with that name, you automatically know they're super old. Cause now all the dogs are saddled with the canine equivalents of "Ashlee" or "Summer."

Weird Thing About the Dog Names List #4

The strength of this 80's nostalgia thing never ceases to amaze me. Already, all the new rock songs sound like The Cars or even freaking Dexy's Midnight Runners (Hot Hot Heat, I'm looking in your direction...), all the movies are about Aliens, Predators, Freddy and Jason and recalling popular 1980's videogames has replaced baseball as the nation's favorite pasttime.

But Rocky and Gizmo both on the same list indicates the fad has now swept the world of dog names too. Can dogs named "Prince," "Crockett," "Tubbs" or "Spicoli" be far behind? (Actually, Spicoli is a pretty great name for a dog).

Weird Thing About the Dog Names List #5

Why are girl dog names so boring? They were so boring, I didn't even bother posting them, but there are a few.

1. MOLLY
2. MAGGIE
3. DAISY

Molly? Maggie? Snore. I find typical human names given to dogs to be kind of, I don't know, dreary. Why should a dog have to go around as Maggie. Why stop there? Why not just call the dog Francine or Patricia or Beatrice?

7. CHLOE
20. COCO

Chloe the Dog? That just sounds weird.

Also, giving your dog a French name in America...that's questionable. They'll probably get beat up all the time by other dogs.

11. PRINCESS
12. BELLA
13. ANGEL
17. ROXY
18. MISSY
19. BRANDY
27. MISTY

No, this was supposed to be a list of dog names! Not stripper names!