The Devil Went Down to Oakley

A man has petitioned the US Board of Geographic Names to rename Mount Diablo in Oakley, California. Cause, you know, he doesn't like the Devil.

Me, I don't really have a problem with the Devil. He came first and then God made all these grubby little humans, who aren't really much to speak of, and it pissed the Devil off. And then when he complained about it, God stuck him down in a pit of fiery unpleasantness and forced him to spend all his time tricking people out of their souls and learning to play the fiddle for all eternity.

Sounds like kind of a bum rap to me. The least we can do is name a fucking mountain no one even goes to after the guy.

But, no. Art Mijares thinks it's bad to call the mountain Mt. Diablo.

Art Mijares applied to the U.S. Board on Geographic Names for the change and suggests naming the mountain Mount Kawukum, which he believes has American Indian roots.

"Words have power, and when you start mentioning words that come from the dark side, evil thrives," Mijares told the Contra Costa Times. "When I take boys camping on the mountain, I don't even like to say its name. I have to explain what the name means. Why should we have a main feature of our community that celebrates the devil?"

Yeah, gee, good question, Art. Why have a mountain that's named El Diablo...Um, I don't know, because that's what it's already named, and has been named since the early 1800's? It's like asking "Why call it America when you could call it Kickass Freedomland 2000?" I mean, you could change the name, but it's expensive to change the maps, and confusing for everyone. Oh, yeah, and there's no such thing as the Devil so who cares?

Also, I like that he associates the Devil with something called "The Dark Side." That's not really a Bible reference so much as it is...Star Wars. I don't know...maybe the guy's just not so eloquent, but could it be that pop culture mythology and religion really do get blurry in the minds of simpletons?

I mean, equating the naming of a mountain with the spread of evil? Do people really think this way? What must life be like for a guy that thinks saying the spanish word for "devil" will actually cause bad things to happen? I hope he never breaks any mirrors or sees any black cats, or we might be looking at a total mental collapse.

The name Kawukum first surfaced in 1866, when a church group tried to change Mount Diablo's name for reasons nearly identical to Mijares', according to San Francisco Bay area researcher Bev Ortiz.

"We abhor the wicked creature to whom the name is appropriate, and spurn the use of the name for anything noble or good on earth," proclaimed the Congregational Church of San Francisco in its newsletter of the day.

First off, Mt. Diablo is a far cooler name for a mountain than Mt. Kawukum. There are already far too many places in America named after hard-to-pronounce Indian words that no one understands. And Kawukum is just some thing some guy overheard an Indian say in 1866. We have no idea what it means. It might mean "whale vagina." Oh, no, wait, that's San Diego.

Also, do you think this guy is comforted by the fact that he thinks just like a 1866 church group? Over 100 years of progress has passed, after all...