It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's a Recently Deceased Pontiff!

So, by now I'm sure you've all checked out Issue #1 of Colombia's hottest comic, "The Incredible Popeman." I particularly enjoy...

What's that? You haven't read "Incredible Popeman"? But it's about how John Paul, now that he's dead, meets up with Superman, Batman and other comic book heroes to gain superpowers. Superpowers he can then use to beat up Satan, obviously.

Duh.

Oh, and the Pope's name in the Colombian comic? Homo Pater.

I could write for ten thousand years and not come up with anything as hilarious as a comc book starring Pope John Paul II as a hero named Father Homo.



And if you're wondering what he's saying in the strip, allow me to translate:

"It's incredible. Now that I'm a cartoon ninja, I'm a lock for sainthood!"

From the MSNBC article:

“The pope was a real-life superhero, of flesh and blood,” said Colombian artist Rodolfo Leon, a non-practicing Catholic who has been working on the comic book for about a year.

I'll give the Pope credit for hero-dom on some level, I guess. There was the whole opposing the Commies thing. And he did more to bring Catholics and Jews together than any other Pope in history - he stated openly "The Jews are our friends," which was kind of nice for the leader of the religion behind that whole Spanish Inquisition thing.

But superhero-dom? I'm not sure...I've never heard of the Pope being pelted with gamma radiation, or inventing a bulletproof suit. I have heard that the Pope owned an invisible jet, but that's just a rumor.

Like any self-respecting superhero, the Incredible Popeman has a battery of special equipment. Along with his yellow cape and green chastity pants, the muscular super-pontiff wields a faith staff with a cross on top and carries holy water and communion wine.

This is on MSNBC, people! I'm not just typing small so you'll think I'm quoting some nonexistant article. And I just want you all to know, when I start my own awesome rock band, we'll be known as the Green Chastity Pants (or, possibly, the Muscular Super Pontiffs). We'll probably be a mix of Sepultura and Neutral Milk Hotel.

But, seriously, Green Chastity Pants? I get that he's the Pope, but he's not even allowed any undead superhero comic book action? That totally sucks. The one good thing about being such an amazingly faithful Christian is that shit gets a lot better when you die.

I may actually have to go find an open-minded, chatty priest now and ask him whether he's looking forward to afterlife nookie. Because if you're not allowed any action in this life and then you go to the next life and you're still expected to act chaste and pious...well, then taking up the cloth is more of a raw deal than even I've been led to believe.

I mean, you and I both know, there's no such thing as an afterlife. I'm just saying, a priest would think there was. And so he's probably expecting something along the lines of the Muslim 72 virgins thing. Or the Neverland Ranch thing, but I'd just as soon not go there.

Leon said he was saddened by the death Saturday of John Paul II, whom he admired. The artist worried some people might be offended by such a revered figure’s becoming a comic book hero, but said the reception so far has been good.

Oh, really, Rodolfo...you think that might make some people upset? To find their beloved and recently dead spiritual leader depicted as a wacky cartoon character, whizzing around with Superman wearing green chastity pants, trying to rid the world of the evils of Satan?

Cause, you know, it seems fine to me. And that probably doesn't bode well for you. Cause most things that seem fine to me, like legal abortions, stem cell research and birth-control-aided pre-marital sex with multiple partners, really upset Catholics.