Mmm...This is Delicious...Who is This?

Four men in the Phillipines have been arrested for murdering and eating their cousin at a wedding reception. Yeah, eating their cousin. And serving him to guests without telling them. Al Sharpton's upset, because they cooked the victim in a traditional Creole style, calling it "blackened."

No, but seriously...The poor guy accidentally brushed up against the bride's butt during the ceremony. So four of his relatives snuck up on him, stabbed him to death, dragged him into the kitchen, butchered him and then roasted him. The other guests were already drunk, so they thought, hey, why not serve him for dinner?

Is it really so bad to touch a bride's butt during a wedding ceremony? I mean, yeah, sure, it's a touch inappropriate. But I'm sure worse things happen at American weddings every day, and you don't hear about people being eaten. Is it possible there's more to this story? It appears on some British magazine called Female First that I've never heard of before, so we can't know for sure if we're getting a complete accounting of the facts in this case. Also, what does this story have to do with placing Females First, except possibly first in the cannibal buffet line?

I wish it had a more complete account, if only because I'd love to hear the thought process that goes into murdering and devouring the flesh of your own cousin.

"Hey, you know what would be funny?" one of the cousins must have said [in Tagalog, of course]. "Now that we've already killed Benji [the victim's real name], and marinated him for 20 minutes in a mixture of spices and zesty barbecue sauce, let's serve him to everyone else."

"Oh, like in that movie Hannibal! Except, you know, scary" one of the other cousins responds [also in Tagalog, I'd assume]. [Actually, did Ridley Scott's Hannibal even make it to the Phillipines? Perhaps the other cousin would have some other cannibal movie pop immediately to mind. Possibly Tsui Hark's classic I'm Going to Eat You].

"What's barbecue sauce," another cousin might have asked. Because I'm pretty sure that's from Texas, not Manila.

Also, how drunk would you have to be to not realize you're eating human? I mean, do people really taste like any other commonly enjoyed Filipino meat? I have to believe we'd at the very least taste gamey and have an odd texture. After all, have you ever eaten any primate?