Inaugurations are teh r0x0rs

Thanks to Wonkette for this schedule. It's the line-up of all stars performing at the Inaugural celebration AMERICA'S FUTURE ROCKS TODAY tomorrow. You've got to love that title. And it's so apt to describe this unique gathering of entertainers:

AMERICA'S FUTURE ROCKS TODAY, 5 p.m.
Artist, Description
-- JoJo, Pop/Top 40
-- Hillary Duff, Pop/Top 40
-- Ruben Studdard, Soul
-- 3 Doors Down, Rock
-- Boxkar, Rock
-- Jason Sehorn, Athlete

Woo-wee! Hillary Duff, Ruben Studdard and Three Doors Down. America fucking rawks. It's so appropriate having Ruben Studdard perform at the President's Inauguration, too, considering that his first big single was entitled "I'm Sorry (2004)". That could easily have been Bush's campaign slogan.

Seriously, who the hell is Boxkar, though? If they're important enough to entertain the president's favorite decrepit old white cronies, shouldn't I have heard of them? They're not even featured on the All Music Guide, and those guys have every band in all of Creation. All I could find there was an Australian electronic group from the 90's, and I'm pretty sure they haven't found their way to Karl Rove's iPod just yet.

But a quick Google search led me to the band's official website. And, I gotta tell you, this is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen. This is the first line of the band's bio:

From festivals of 9,000 people and sold out venues, to packed college clubs, Boxkar continues to turn heads of masses in the Midwest and numerous industry folk.

Ha ha! I think G. W. may have written this himself. "Boxkar continues to turn heads of masses"? What the hell does that mean? "Numerous industry folk"? Aw, shucks, them industry folk sure does like these here melodies.

There is no doubt in many people's minds that Boxkar has intangibles that will take them to the national stage.

No way this is real. This is another sophisticated Internet parody, right?

Their music impressed someone in the Bush camp—not only were they asked for a business card to be contacted about a possible inauguration gig, but also received a compliment directly from the President.

“He said we sounded great,” recalled Szebini of a private meeting with the President and First Lady. “I gave him one of our CDs.”

They get the President's seal of approval! All right!

No, in all seriousness, folks, you've got to sympathize with the Inaugural planners. Almost no real music acts of any quality support the President. He's got no choice for these events but Ben Stein, Brooks & Dunn and Kid Rock. So, yeah, he'll go with an unsigned band from Wisconsin that bills itself as Matchbox 20 meets Aerosmith (really!).