And the Razzie Goes To...

I did the Oscar round-up, so of course, I have to cover the Golden Raspberry Awards as well. It's only fair, right?

So, let's stop fucking around and get to it:

WORST PICTURE

Alexander
Catwoman
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Surviving Christmas
White Chicks

Out of all these films, White Chicks was the only one on my personal Worst Films list. Though it was a healthy #2, behind only Zach Braff's 9-reel shit sandwich. Then again, the only other one I've seen is Catwoman, which, I'll admit, was really bad.

WORST ACTOR

Ben Affleck, Surviving Christmas and Jersey Girl
George W. Bush, Fahrenheit 9/11
Vin Diesel, Ridicules of Chronic...I mean, Chronicles of Riddick
Colin Farrell, Alexander
Ben Stiller, Along Came Polly, Anchorman, Dodgeball, Envy, Starsky and Hutch

Love the political commentary explicit in these nominations. It would be great if George W. wins, and Michael Moore shows up to give an acceptance speech on his behalf. Too bad the Razzies don't command the viewership to warrant broadcast on television. Or radio. Or even regular Internet updates.

Oh, and I have to give props to my man Dave Lau for the excellent Chronicles of Riddick/Ridicules of Chronic pun. That's why he's a poet, and I'm a guy with a blog working at a video store...Cause he can think of shit like that.

WORST ACTRESS

Halle Berry, Catwoman
Hilary Duff, Raise Your Voice and A Cinderella Story
Angelina Jolie, Alexander and Taking Lives
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, New York Minute
Shawn and Marlon Wayans, White Chicks

Angelina Jolie's nomination seems a bit harsh. She was okay in Taking Lives, which wasn't great but also wasn't nearly bad enough to rank among the year's worst. It wasn't even the year's worst serial killer movie (that would be the asinine Saw).

I'm thinking Olsen twins for the win, but Halle Berry is atrocious in Catwoman. And it's definitely time for some blowback from her ridiculous Oscar win for Mark Forster's insipid Monster's Ball.

WORST SCREENCOUPLE

Ben Affleck and J. Lo/Liv Tyler, Jersey Girl
Halle Berry and Benjamin Bratt/Sharon Stone, Catwoman
George W. Bush and Condoleeza Rice/His Pet Goat, Fahrenheit 9/11
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, New York Minute
The Wayans Brothers, White Chicks

How can Mary-Kate and Ashley be both the worst actress and the worst couple? Are they two separate people or not? I need answers!

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Carmen Electra, Starsky and Hutch
J. Lo, Jersey Girl
Condoleeza Rice, Fahrenheit 9/11
Britney Spears, Fahrenheit 9/11
Sharon Stone, Catwoman

Okay, so the Razzie Committee likes easy targets. Britney Spears is in all of one minute of Fahrenheit 9/11, though her blind devotion to the president is both adorably naive and chilling.

And I forgot Carmen Electra was even in Starsky and Hutch. In fact, I kind of forgot about the existence of Starsky and Hutch until just now. Damn it! Now that's back in my brain!

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Val Kilmer, Alexander
The Governor of California, Around the World in 80 Days
Donald Rumsfeld, Fahrenheit 9/11
Jon Voight, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Lambert Wilson, Catwoman

Who the hell is Lambert Wilson? I just watched Catwoman on DVD a few nights ago, and I have no recollection of this person...Now that they've reminded me of the movie Starsky and Hutch, I'm inclined to say Snoop Dogg deserved this nod.

WORST DIRECTOR

Bob Clark, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Renny Harlin/Paul Schrader, Exorcist: The Beginning
Pitof, Catwoman
Oliver Stone, Alexander
Keenan Ivory Wayans, White Chicks

Catwoman is probably the worst-directed film of the year. It's so noisy and busy and obnoxious, you can barely even get a grip on what the hell is going on. The camera whirls around, up and down, never stationary, never giving you a good view of anything, as if Pitof's trying to win some award for making everyone in the theater nauseated.

Oh, wait, he is winning an award!

WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL

Alien Vs. Predator
Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid
Around the World in 80 Days
Exorcist: The Beginning
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

I'll post my review of AVP soon. Short version: it's horrible, a waste of both franchises.

WORST SCREENPLAY

Alexander
Catwoman
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Surviving Christmas
White Chicks

White Chicks, all the way. From its tortured premise to its total lack of jokes to its complete reliance of cheesy stereotypes and dumb cliches, White Chicks is the least inspired comedy in a long long while. Horrible from beginning to end.