The Adventures of Super-Ringo: Episode IV: The Cheap Marketing Ploy...OF DOOM!

When we last left our hero, Super-Ringo, he was serving as drummer for the Greatest Rock Band in the History of the World. Yes, that's right, Sum 41. No, no, I'm kidding. Linkin Park.

Ha ha! No, no, The Beatles.

But now, the ravages of time have left the brave and stalwart Super-Ringo without a steady source of income. His backing band, Ringo's All Starrs (ho ho!), having failed to protect his stellar reputation as "the unneccessary Beatle", have gone their separate ways.

So, it's up to Ringo's newest sidekick, comic book creator Stan Lee to save the universe. Or at least move some units to pay for an additional TIVO hook-up in the Starr Estate.

Yeah, anyway, if you didn't catch the drift of my spiel above, E! reports today that Ringo Starr and Stan Lee will team up to create an awful comic book character based on Ringo's wacky personality. Here's Stan's take on the genesis of this, um, terrific idea:

"We were talking and kidding around and I said [to Starr], 'You're known all over the world, and you've got the most distinctive way of talking, and I think if we did a cartoon of you it would be fantastic," the comic-book legend said. "Wouldn't it be cool if we could make you a superhero?"

Yes, that's what any classic superhero needs. A distinctive way of talking. And, you know, a little help from his friends.

This is just kind of sad. I don't know if you've heard about how Marvel keeps trying to screw Stan out of the money he rightfully deserves for creating just about their entire library of good characters. I mean, there's lots of Marvel characters Lee didn't create, but not many good ones.

Fantastic Four? Check.
Incredible Hulk? Check.
X-Men? Check.
Spider-Man? Check.

If he doesn't deserve subsidiary rights from all these new movies based on these characters, who does? Oh, that's right! High-ranking Marvel executives! How silly of me.

So, anyway, Stan's apparently been reduced to whoring himself out to any idiotic cartoon concept that comes his way. Remember how he put his name on that Pamela Anderson nonsense on Spike TV, "Striperella"? The guy created freaking Wolverine, okay, he shouldn't have to spend his days making up superpowers to give aging celebrities in shitty direct-to-DVD cartoons!

And Ringo! How much money could you possibly need? Is that "Octopus' Garden" sheet music just not raking in the royalties like you'd hoped? Why did the classy Beatles have to die early, leaving us with Paul "I'm Talkin' Bout Freedom" McCartney and Super-Ringo? I mean, I love love love love love The Beatles, but I sort of can't stand seeing them this way.