Let the Eagle Soooooooooooar

Some interesting facts about John Ashcroft's tenure as Attorney General, compliments of Atrios' excellent blog:

Number of U.S. terror trials brought before a jury since September 11, 2001: 1

Wow, that's almost as many trials as R. Kelly! And, remember, that's without video of Muhammad Atta peeing on a minor!

Number of terrorism convictions resulting: 2

And now that both Martha Stewart and two evil terrorists have been put away, we can all sleep a little more confidently at night.

Number of them dismissed due to a 'pattern of mistakes' by the prosecution: 2

Hey, way to...Oh, no, wait. That means no one has actually served any time for any terrorist malfeasance since John Ashcroft took office. But, that can't be right, because, remember, he said...

"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been
achieved"

...when he left office? And these statistics would almost make that look like a lie. And, as Todd Flanders once told us, lies make baby Jesus cry.

Why is it that all these government officials aren't being held accountable for the screw-ups and mistakes that have happened on their watch? I mean, yeah, I get it, everyone loves the president...he's adorable and he always asks Jesus' approval before bombing the shit out of brown people...But Ashcroft isn't the president. NOBODY likes John Ashcroft. How come no one has ever thought to question this record until now, when he's stepping down and it's too late to do anything about it?

Oh, because he's stepping down, and it's too late to do anything about it. I get it. Touche, Karl.