KJ: Classically trained to rock your freakin' socks off

I don't mean to blow it for you, but one of my personal heroes, baby-faced Mormon Ken Jennings, apparently loses his long-standing Jeopardy! championship tonight, after a remarkable 74-game run, to a real estate agent named Nancy Zerg.

I'm sorry, but Kenneth losing to a mortal human being can't help but be somewhat disappointing for me. This guy is not only the most amazing competitor Jeopardy! has ever seen, but truly one of the most insidious trivia depositories imaginable. The guy's a Mormon, so he doesn't drink, and I saw him run several entire Wine and Spirits categories. He knew the ingredients to a Brandy Alexander, for Chrissakes. I drink all the time, and all I know is that there's brandy in there (and it was probably invented by a guy named Alexander...unless it was R&B songstress Brandy who invented it, in which case I have no fucking clue what's in it).

Well, Kenny can dry his tears with hundred dollar bills, I guess, seeing as his final tally came to $2,520,700. Even after taxes and a 10% tithe to the MoMo's, he'll still be doing a-ight. I was on "Win Ben Stein's Money" once, and all I came away with was a watch and a certificate signed by Mr. Stein, so I can't really feel too bad for the guy.