Hideous Sea Creature Given Own Reality Show

Oh, no, wait, it's just Osama bin Laden's niece. Never mind.

But even though it's not Cthulhu as I had initially thought, she's still a good subject for a reality show. She's shallow, vapid, talentless, famous only because of her family name and dim-witted. And in reality TV, as in every other arena of modern life, all of the above are major assets.

Osama bin Laden’s niece, an aspiring singer who posed for a sexy photo shoot in a men’s magazine last year, has signed up for a reality television show about her life and her as yet unfulfilled “quest for stardom.”

Wafah Dufour Bin Ladin, whose mother was married to the al Qaeda leader’s half brother, was born in California but lived in Saudi Arabia from the age of three to 10.

“I understand that when people hear my last name, they have preconceived notions, but I was born an American and I love my country,” Dufour said in a statement from ReganMedia announcing the deal to develop a reality TV series.

Preconceived notions? Oh, Americans have a bit more than notions about Osama bin Laden. You might even say that have full-fleged opinions about the man. Some of them even strongly held! This satatement reminds me of that Robert Schimmel joke, where he's given safety tips on how to react if a shark is bothering you.

"Bothering? Excuse me, could you please not tear my rip me apart with your massive jaws? I find that very bothersome."

Dufour has dropped the “Bin Ladin” — a different spelling of the Arabic name from that used by Osama bin Laden — and now goes by the name Wafah Dufour.

Definitely a good idea to drop the "bin Laden," but I'm not sure Americans are quite ready to embrace a pop star named Wafah Dufour either. I mean, if you're going to give yourself a made-up stage name anyway...She's probably be better off calling herself Slutface McButtstank, rather than an Arab-sounding name, if popularity and fame in America are her ultimate goal.

Based in New York, Dufour has been promoting herself as a musician and last December appeared in a sultry GQ photo spread, reclining on satin sheets wrapped in feathers and posing in a bubble bath wearing nothing but a necklace.

“Her story will bridge the gap that people feel exists between the cultures she has lived in,” ReganMedia President Judith Regan said.

This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. How will Americans parading around the daughter of a beloved and respected leader naked on television bridge the culture gap? Oh, yes, that's exactly what the Man on the Riyadh Street wants to see...Young Arab girls being oolged publicly by thousands of American men.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with American-style public oogling. In fact, I'm objectively pro-oogle. I'm just saying that the very notion that this will do anything but infuriate the Muslims who hate America is ludicrous. It would be like George W. saying that outrage over the abuses of Abu Gharib have united East and West.

Come to think of it, he probably has said that at some point, in an accidental moment of candor. And I just didn't hear about it because all of the witnesses have been detained in Abu Gharib.

“She is also a young woman who falls in love, has her heart broken, worries about her looks, doesn’t always listen to her mother, and hasn’t spoken to her father in years,” Regan said.

She definitely needs to worry about her looks. I've only seen a few photos of the woman, and already I'm worried about her looks.



Are we sure that this isn't actually Osama bin Laden, evading capture by adopting a fiendishly clever disguise? Seriously, maybe he used all that time spent in the caves in Pakistan to work on his abs...shaved the beard...Something to think about...

Anyway, here's the best part of the whole article.

She cites U2, Depeche Mode, The Cure and The Cranberries among her musical influences.

Anyone who cites The Cranberries as a major musical influence should be barred from the music industry, permanently. Can't we get Congress on some legislation for this?