What's the Story, Lee Tamahori?

First, there was Hugh Grant and Divine Brown. That was a shock: British pretty-boy, known best for dating gorgeous actress and model Elizabeth Hurley, arrested receiving fellatio from a $5-sucky-sucky Hollywood prostitute. Then came Eddie Murphy. An internationally known celebrity millionaire pulled over in Los Angeles was a transvestite hooker in his car. (And to make matters even more hilarious, he said he was just being a good samaritan and driving her home, which is exactly the sort of giving, generous activity that big-time Hollywood celebrities perform every day for the local prostituting community.)

But I think New Zealand director Lee Tamahori has basically staked his claim on the Most Humiliating Celebrity Revelation title for the forseeable future. I can't imagine anyone else, famous wealthy Hollywood director or no, being caught in this kind of an embarrassing predicament.

Former James Bond movie-maker Lee Tamahori was arraigned in Los Angeles yesterday after allegedly soliciting an undercover cop, while dressed as a woman. The Die Another Day director, 55, was arrested in Hollywood last month, after he approached an undercover police officer who was in his car, entered the vehicle and offered to perform a sex act for money, according to entertainment news site Tmz.com. Tamahori was arrested, booked and charged with prostitution and unlawfully loitering with the intent to commit prostitution. The director is being represented in court by Michael Jackson's former defence lawyer Mark Geragos.

SOLICITING SEX FROM AN UNDERCOVER COP WHILE DRESSED AS A WOMAN!

There are only a few possible explanations for this behavior.

(1) Lee Tamahori is brutally insane

Granted, this seems unlikely, as the guy has managed to keep his shit together for long enough to direct a series of films, including the beloved 90's classic Once Were Warriors. More recently, he did Die Another Day and XXX: State of the Union, which aren't exactly classics. But they are professionally made - it doesn't look like MGM just gave a camera to some random lunatic and set him to work filming Vin Diesel.

Bear in mind, however, that though his films may seem to be the work of an aware, cognizant individual, this man was arrested the other day...in his home town of Los Angeles...dressed up as a woman...trying to convince an undercover cop to give him money, possibly in exchange for a reach-around. Bear in mind also that, as a well-known somewhat successful Hollywood director, this guy is worth millions of dollars and has a significant amount of influence and power. If he wanted to dress as a woman and blow dudes, he could have 100 willing gay men in his mansion within the hour. This is Los Angeles. There are more young, attractive men willing to suck off a famous director than there are public telephones.

(2) Lee Tamahori is cursed with bizarre sexual proclivities

Maybe the guy can only get off when there's the ever-present fear he may be caught performing sexual acts in public while dressed as a woman. This would have to be among the Most Inconvenient Fetishes Ever.

I'd say the most inconvenient fetish ever would be the Dressing up as a Baby thing, or possibly the Dressing up as a Fuzzy Plush Toy thing. These are sexual fetishes that require a good deal of time, preparation and planning. You have to go out and invest in costumes, you have to join odd little communities dedicated to these lifestyles just to meet other people into the bizarre thing you're into.

But, I mean...a grown man who wants to dress up like a woman and fuck strangers for money. And he has to have the theoretical possibility of getting caught in the act? It's almost like you couldn't act out this fantasy legally without being a rich and famous film director, and even then it would be tough to get exactly right. (Obviously.)

(3) Lee Tamahori really, really wants to helm Pretty Woman 2

I mean, at this point...he'd have a pretty convincing pitch.

"Look, I know whores, alright? I've done my research. No one in this whole town knows Los Angeles from a whore's perspective better than me...What's that?...The film's about Julia Roberts and Richard Gere after she's no longer a whore? But it's...Well, someone could have told me that before I started streetwalking professionally! What am I supposed to...I have a pimp now, I can't just...You're going with Brett Ratner? Well, that's just fucking great..."