Sewer Rats

Renew America, for those of you who don't bother learning the names of every wacky conservative political organization, is Nutball Alan Keyes' group. He uses their website to advertise his political campaigns and fire off random, obsessive hatred at liberals, gays, Hollywood, the media and anyone else whom God and/or Alan Keyes finds distasteful.

Normally, this is not the sort of site I would tend to puruse during my Internet time. It lacks one of the four basic ingredients I look for in a "bookmarkable" website. Those being (1) hilarious cartoons or parodies (2) snark (3) movie news/entertainment gossip or (4) boobs.

Granted, Alan Keyes kind of has fat-man boobs and is idiotic enough to be sporadically entertaining, but that's not quite enough to qualify.

But thanks to World O' Crap, I can now enjoy the lunacy of Renew America columnists without actually having to visit the site and look around.

Which is good, because I think if I had to spend more than 10 minutes looking at this idiocy, my head might explode. Keyes' essays would need about 3/4 more cock to seem half-cocked. Seriously, the average Alan Keyes column reads like "The Turner Diaries" after they've been translated from Japanese and dictated to a hearing-impaired retarded guy.

And this guy Christian Hartsock...he ain't doing much better. His whole column of February 3rd is devoted to praising Ronald Reagan in a surprising and unconventional manner.

Quickly, here's his thesis:

Liberals always deny that valid threats to national security exist, probably because they hate America and secretly wish for its destruction. This is why FDR refused to believe that the Soviet Union presented a threat to America, why no one believed poor Joseph McCarthy and why we call him mean names to this day, and why Bill Clinton didn't do anything to Osama bin Laden after the 1993 World Trade Center attack.

Of course, Hartsock then ties this in to the present day - only brave, stalwart George W. Bush is man enough to stand up to the threat of the "Islamic subhumans" (to quote Christian's charming phrase). And liberal pussies of course continue to oppose the President's attempts to protect his beloved country.

That year, when President George W. Bush was pushing for an invasion of Iraq in light of the mounting evidence that Saddam Hussein had been in cahoots with al-Qaeda and had weapons of mass destruction, topped off by his violation of seventeen U.N. resolutions regarding weapons inspections, liberals began acting like caged monkeys on crystal meth, screaming and ranting against the invasion and insisting that Saddam Hussein was gentle little lamb. Iraqi citizens are now free from tyranny, Saddam is in prison, and it is still quite possible, if not probable that he had weapons of mass destruction as well as ties to al-Qaeda, yet liberals are treasonously demanding that we surrender to the terrorist insurgents and wishing Saddam was still in power.

Christian then goes on to praise Ronald Reagan for standing up to the Communists. Here's a telling little bit about Reagan's early clashes with Commies during his movie star days:

During his years in Hollywood, Reagan faced head-on the presence of the Communist Party which had been active there since 1935. As early as the 1940s, Reagan was denouncing Communism and actively fighting against it. Judging from what happened before and after the release of Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ, if a patriotic non-conformist in Hollywood dared utter a word against Communism today, liberals would waste no time in spreading rumors that he is an anti-Semite or something stupid like that.

The Passion of the Christ is anti-Semetic in a number of ways. Mainly, its presentation of Jewish leaders fits right into the long-standing European anti-Semetic tradition: hook-nosed old blood-thirsty creeps who wear lots of gold. But also, the film is clearly an attempt to resurrect the age-old view of Jews as Christ-Killers, a viewpoint that has mainly gone out of fashion in Modern Christianity. Anyway, whether or not you are well-versed in historical anti-Semetism or not to recognize the familiar tropes in Passion of the Christ, these accusations are clearly not baseless or "stupid," and to call them that without any more detail or nuance demonstrates the flagrant lack of accuracy and honesty throughout the article.

I also love this bizarre conservative view of Ronald Reagan as the Man Who Single-Handedly Killed the Communists. As if an old guy going to Berlin and saying "Tear down this wall!" was really all it took to destroy the Soviet Union. Come on, think about it...The old-fashioned Communist system didn't slowly rot away from within, a combination of an angry, impoverished, oppressed populace demanding more effective leadership and long-standing, cyclical economic woes. It was cause that old guy from the chimp movies went over there and demanded they tear the Berlin Wall down.

The Soviets were, like, "You don't like the wall? Why didn't you say so? You don't like it...It's gone, man. We just thought it kind of looked cool. The kids had graffittied it a bit, tourists came to check it out. Really gave Berlin some personality to be split in two. But, hey, if it bugs you out, man, gone. Cause that's just how much you guys mean to me."

Anyway, fine, whatever, Christian has a poor understanding of 20th Century history. Or maybe he knows this is complete horseshit he's spewing, but the money's good. Whatever. What's fascinating about his column is the opening paragraph. This was the section highlighted (and with good cause!) from that World O' Crap post. Here's the article's lede paragraph in its entirety.

Let's say you find yourself fortunate enough to be stuck with a liberal roommate. Then one day your apartment becomes infested with sewer rats. You try to tell your roommate but he laughs it off and calls you a fascist. When the infestation becomes particularly prominent, however, your roommate insists on befriending the rats and begins providing them with generous servings of Swiss cheese. One day you come home and find your roommate lying on the floor and being assaulted by the vicious rats. Immediately, you manage to grab each rat by your hand and throw it into the oven. When the oven is inundated with every single rat that invaded your apartment, you turn it on and they begin slowly suffocating in excruciating heat. Instead of thanking you for your heroic bravery in saving him from the rats, your roommate snobbily remarks that you were just in the right place at the right time.

Hmmm...Interesting choice of metaphor. Particularly in light of Christian's assertation that Passion of the Christ is not anti-Semetic. Really, he's making no secret of hating Jews. He's not even trying to cover it up very much. I mean, throwing rats in the oven? Is there any more obvious metaphor he could have chosen? That's exactly how the Nazis referred to Jews and then it's exactly their preferred choice for killing them and disposing of their earthly remains. Seriously, I have tried to think of a more obvious metaphor for Christian's desire to murder Jews...and I can't come up with one. Disgraceful.

If you want to read the whole thing, you can get there from World O' Crap's page. I'm not even linking to this tripe.