What? Too Soon?

The American Family Organization (AFA) is one of the largest organizations representing what is known as the "Religious Right." Their newspaper is called Agape Press. I don't know why. I'm sure it's some obscure Bible reference: "And the awesomeness that was Jesus did leave their mouths agape with wonder and their sandals wet with distasteful mid-summer Hebrew toe sweat - Frank 45:16"

Anyway, check out this article from Agape Press today, in which several Louisiana Christian leaders are interviewed about their responses to Hurricane Katrina. Most say what you'd expect - that the event is a horrible tragedy, but that God's mercy prevented it from being far worse.

Silly, but fair enough. At least it sounds vaguely Christian, like something a rational Christian might conclude. Who knows why God wiped some of us out, but he spared most of us, and that's something.

But check out Crushed By Inertia's new favorite Wacko Southern Pastor, Bill Shanks of the New Covenant Fellowship of New Orleans. He takes a slightly different view:

Shanks says the hurricane has wiped out much of the rampant sin common to the city.

The pastor explains that for years he has warned people that unless Christians in New Orleans took a strong stand against such things as local abortion clinics, the yearly Mardi Gras celebrations, and the annual event known as "Southern Decadence" -- an annual six-day "gay pride" event scheduled to be hosted by the city this week -- God's judgment would be felt.

Oh, of course! God was so upset about women showing off their boobs in exchange for beads and trinkets, he flooded the city and murdered thousands. What a swell diety. He was all, "What? Fags are parading and college girls are flashing their tits at Doug Stanhope and Snoop Dogg? Flood them!"

God always speaks in italics.

“New Orleans now is abortion free. New Orleans now is Mardi Gras free. New Orleans now is free of Southern Decadence and the sodomites, the witchcraft workers, false religion -- it's free of all of those things now," Shanks says. "God simply, I believe, in His mercy purged all of that stuff out of there -- and now we're going to start over again."

What logic! St. Augustine has nothing on Billy Shanks. (He sounds like the dopey hillbilly cellmate of the main character in some old 40's prison movie..."This is yer new roommate, Billy Shanks. He just a kid, but he done shot a clerk in the foot trying to get away with a can of pomade and some mash bourbon.")

God went ahead and killed a lot of the poor pregnant people, so now they can't get abortions. Brilliant! Also, "the witchcraft workers"? Does he mean voodoo? Is this guy really so out of it, he thinks God caused a hurricane to wipe out a few old ladies cutting up chickens in a cemetary somewhere?

I think we should construct a 10-foot by 10-foot pit, fill it with deadly vipers and venemous spiders and then drop ol' Bill Shanks in there. If he gets bit repeatedly, well, it must be God punishing him for his wickedness. Because there certainly couldn't be any other explanation, right?

Believers, he says, are God's "authorized representatives on the face of the Earth" and should say they "don't want unrighteous men in office," for example. In addition, he says Christians should not hesitate to voice their opinions about such things as abortion, prayer, and homosexual marriage. "We don't want a Supreme Court that is going to say it's all right to kill little boys and girls, ... it's all right to take prayer out of schools, and it's all right to legalize sodomy, opening the door for same-sex marriage and all of that.”

Bill Shanks has got to be a closet homo, right? I mean, this guy is so hung up on gay guys, he's still talking about it only a few days after his whole goddamn city was destroyed. Decimated. This guy is the pastor for a Church in a ghost town, and he's still ranting and yammering about how the gays want to parade around to celebrate their gayness.

That kind of obsession can only be borne of intense self-hatred. Bill Shanks, I'm on to you, man.

[Thanks to Americablog for finding this sicko.]