Apology and Update

I have been working on a gargantuan blog project these past few days. I'm compiling another big film list, in a lame attempt to lure more viewers to the site, and as a way to occupy my mind during the long video store work days.

This list is huge. It's such an epic undertaking that it has taken me a few hours a night for the past several nights just to get started with the actual writing.

Why am I such a nerd? Life would be so much easier if I were cool.

For example, if I were cool, I could be hanging out with the cool cast members of E! Entertainment's supercool reality show "Kill Reality." See, on the show, they hire a lot of ex-reality show stars to live together while starring in a horror movie, and then they film the making of the movie. You know, it's just good kids looking to have some fun.

"The whole cast was drunk or wasted throughout the taping, and everyone was having sex with everyone else. Not only were there orgies, but at one point someone relieved himself on Trishelle [Canatella, of Real World: Las Vegas and Playboy fame] in full view of the cameras and, from what I saw, she loved it. In another booze-fueled bacchanal, we hear Tonya Cooley, the lusty blonde of Real World: Chicago fame, begged co-stars to do lines off her genitals because it turns her on."

Why else would you ask people to do coke off your vagina, if it didn't turn you on? It certainly isn't for hygienic purposes, and it's not exactly the best ice-breaker I've ever heard for a mixer.

"Okay, anyone want to play Charades? Truth or Dare? No? Okay, then, I guess you'll just have to do drugs off my genitals!"

This comes from Tabloid Whore, by the way, who cribbed it from Radar Magazine. So you know it's trustworthy. I mean, who among us hasn't peed on the "Real World's" Trishelle to her wonderment and delight?

I'd like to add that, as someone who has seen "Kill Reality" a few times, I'm not at all surprised by these allegations. It's clear many of the cast members are coked-out weirdos, and their constant on-screen skankiness hints at certainly much more intense skankiness behind the scenes. Hopefully, these bootlegged videos will soon be online for our enjoyment.

Anyway, because I'm not cool enough to snort lines off of Tonya Cooley's bathing suit area or coat the ever-classy Trishelle in my urine, I end up sitting here in my bedroom thinking up long movie lists. And when I'm writing these lists, it feels like I'm blogging. So I forget that I haven't actually updated the actually actual blog in a while.

Plus, I've been busy working and it has been a slow week around the blogosphere. No one's really talking about anything except Hurricane Katrina which, while eventful, doesn't exactly fit in well with the steady diet of snark dispensed here at The Inertia. It's hard to be tongue-in-cheek when there are unfortunate souls attempting to flee New Olreans via makeshift freeway boat.



Yikes. I'm gonna stop complaining about the 405.

For a few days.

Also, I haven't updated a lot because I've been watching "Big Brother 6." It's horrible to get sucked into a season of "Big Brother." Horrible. They run this thing 3, 4 nights a week any more. I see more of the "Big Brother" roommates than I see of my roommates.

But it's getting SO GOOD now that there are only a few people left, and most of them are indescribably evil.

As I was discussing previously on another post (entitled Busto), the "Big Brother" house has been split down the middle. On one side are the dopey but likable Howie and Janelle, and on the other is the villainous, cruel and disgusting group known as "The Friendship." They're a bunch of women (and one gay man) who banded together early-on, under the leadership of a vile self-righteous mook named Eric who has since been mercifully voted out of the house.

Now the great thing about the show at this point is that everyone who watches the show is on Howie and Janelle's side. It's not that they're such great, fantastic people and you want to see them win money. It's that these Friendship girls are delusional creeps. You want to see them punished. You want to watch them lose every week.

What's so bad about The Friendship, you may ask. It's a fair question. I don't mind that they are hypocrites, complaining about the way others play the "Big Brother" game dishonestly even as they lie. That's the whole point of the game. It's their bullshit, self-righteous attitude, their feeling of inherent superiority because Howie is a man and Janelle acts like a ditzy blonde.

This past week, the Head of Household (Friendship member April, dubbed "Busto" by Howie) actually made a statement on the show that was quite groundbreaking. I think we actually have a reality TV first. She said, in front of the cameras, that the audience for her show, "Big Brother," were all a bunch of pieces of shit.

Some quick background, as I know this post is too long already...America got the opportunity to vote for which remaining roommate would get a phone call from a loved one. See, in the house, they are locked away from the world - no phone, no TV, no outside food or drinks, nothing. Everything they have to eat and do is provided by the producers. And America voted for Janelle. Not me personally, mind you.

I voted for Howie.

But Janelle got a phone call. And better yet, she took a call from Michael, the ex-roommate with whom she'd hooked up in the house! The Friendship was infuriated, particularly that their team member, Ivette, who hadn't heard from anyone in her family since the show started, would be denied a phone call.

And that's when April said that Americans who voted for Janelle to get the call were pieces of shit.

To my knowledge, it's the first time a contestant on a reality show has "called out" the audience. (She also commented that the results were probably fraudulent, because there's no possible way "Big Brother" viewers could prefer Janelle to her teammates. Um....)

So I've been watching that excitedly (I think it's on again tomorrow, and every night after that for six months). And it has left precious little time for blogging. But tonight, after I watch 2 or 3 DVD's, I'll try to whip up something else.