Wednesday, June 08, 2005

White Lines (Don't Don't Do It)

I think there's something we all need to publicly acknowledge, so that we can move on as a people.

Lindsay Lohan is definitely definitely definitely absolutely 100% on cocaine. Okay? Everyone understand? Do I even need to elaborate any further? Okay, fine, I'll prove the case incontrovertably with a series of 2 pictures. First, here is Lindsay in the tabloids a little over one year ago.

Fortunately, even though I'm including this photo for scientific purposes only, it just so happens that Ms. Lohan has a fripple effect going on. This is entirely coincidental, I assure you. It is very hard to find photos of Lindsay Lohan in which part of her breast is not exposed.

Okay, so clearly at this date, she already had a touch o' the skank to her. For sure. I mean, she's got to know you can see through that top, and that photographers are going to be hounding her all day with telephoto lenses. So what we have here is a young lady who's basically inviting the entire populated universe to oogle her goodies.

But at the very least, she looks tan, fit and ready, you know? Like someone who has had a decent night's sleep and shower in the past few weeks, at the very least.

Now here's that very same girl in a much more recent photo:

Quick, somebody get these girls a complimentary muffin basket, STAT! Jesus Christ, where has Lindsay been? Out clubbing or detained at Gitmo?

I'll say it again...Lindsay Lohan is definitely on cocaine. And she has apparently befriended E.T., which is only slightly less alarming.

I think The Superficial (also the source of the pics, as you can see from their nifty logo there in the corner) says it best:

Lindsay Lohan is either a coke freak or she’s been cursed by the Black Pearl. She’s an eighteen year old billionaire princess who for some inexplicable reason looks like she’s done two tours in ‘Nam.

Man, that's good stuff. I wish my celebrity blogging were that bitchy. But alas, I'm a straight male.

So now that we know, we can all stop talking about this, okay? She's just another pampered young celeb experimenting with drugs and going to far. I mean, this girl has problems at home, she's fabulously wealthy, surrounded by toadies desperate to stay in her favor in order to suckle at the proverbial teat of her celebrity and social status. She's either going to get into coke or become a Scientologist, and judging from some of Cruise's recent public behavior, she may have made the sensible decision.

No comments: