A Tisket, A Tasket, An Affleck Fruit Basket

About a week ago, I published this article, about an unsettling account of Ben Affleck giving Kevin Smith a so-called "fruit basket" on the set of "Jersey Girl." (Sorry I can't boldface the title as I usually do, but this is the first-ever post done from inside the confines of Laser Blazer, where the laserdiscs are old but the computers are older!)

Here's what I said in that article:

Okay, so, to give someone a "fruit basket" apparently means to place your scrotum on their neck. My only concern with this is that Kevin Smith comes into our video store all the time, and so I'll probably have to speak with him (albeit briefly) within the next couple of weeks.

And so today, when Kevin Smith did come into the Laser Blazer store to do his Sunday DVD shopping, I found myself, against my better judgement, asking him about his friend Ben Affleck's balls. Here's our conversation as best I can recall:

ME: "How could you let Ben Affleck put his balls on your neck?"

KS: "It wasn't really an issue of 'let.' It's more like...[he turns around quickly, as if surprised] and you're kind of stunned for a moment."

ME: "More like, how did you not stomp on him immediately afterwards, and then refuse to ever speak with him again?"

KS: "It happened once and one time only."

I think made reference to another tabloid story from this past week, in which Christina Applegate complains that Ben Affleck recently revealed his scrotum to her, against her stated will. As Smith explained, "He likes his balls."

So there you have it folks, straight from the man himself...Ben Affleck likes to rest his testicles on the shoulders of friends for his own amusement. So, if you should ever see him in public, I recommend running in the opposite direction.

And if he asks you if you want to have a ball, you're legally entitled to murder him in self-defense.