Thursday, June 23, 2005

Life Beyond Google

I want to try an experiment. But before we get into the specifics, let me give you the background.

Today, I found myself discussing albino porn. Now, after doing a brief Google search, I was unable to verify the actual existance of such a thing. That is, I could not access any genuine albino porn through the use of a few basic search engines.

Now, this is disappointing, both because I'd genuinely like to see what an albino porn looks like and because it kind of shakes my faith in the Internet. They say you can find any fetish at all online, any sexual activity imaginable has its own devoted fanbase somewhere online, right? So the fact that I can't find any albino porn would seem to indicate that there's a vast untapped market out there. Someone really needs to get on this.

As for albino porn itself, it would probably be just like regular porn, except everyone's really pale. I guess it's possible the actors could get into it, and start doing albino-exclusive dirty talk, but I'm not sure they're all that clever. I've almost run out of funny albino jokes, and we're only a few paragraphs in. Imagine if I had to riff on this for 20 minutes and maintain an erection. It'd be tricky...

But here's the weird part...Even though I couldn't find any actual albino porn links, a Google search for the subject "albino porn" brings up over 3,300 results. It's something people are talking about.

Which brings us to the experiment. Can you think of a phrase that's obscure but still sensible, that doesn't bring up any results on Google? It can be the combination of two things that are incongruous - like "monkey lamp" - but not completely nonsensical, like "toadstool protestantism."

Oh, and don't actually use "monkey lamp," because it brings up almost 9,500 results.

I'm tempted to say no one will actually be able to stump Google with a genuinely sensical phrase. Remember, we're looking for concepts that are physically possible but just haven't been discussed at all on the Internet, not phrases that make so little sense, no one has ever thought to put tme together before.

Good luck!

18 comments:

Steve said...

Phallic Omelette

Come on, Lons, this is easy.

(Oh, and I maintain that the concept of a phallic omelette is no less sensical than the concept of a monkey lamp.)

Lons said...

I don't know if it's precisely as sensical. I mean, a monkey lamp is merely a lamp shaped in the form of a monkey, and I think it would be near impossible to actually produce an omelette that clearly and specifically resembled a phallus.

However, the idea was not to come up with a challenge that's impossible. More like a challenge that will result in someone doing a Google search for egg dishes shaped like cocks. Which is an unmitigated good.

Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy said...

Lons, it may not quench your porn thirst, but a friend of mine just made a somewhat relevant movie that's causing quite a stir: http://www.albinocode.com

Anonymous said...

"How to Kill someone with a taco" returns zero results. How to make love to a racoon turns up close to a million

Lons said...

Interestingly, there's also no results for "taco homicide" and only 32 for "taco murder." (And most of those are merely news stories about taco restaurants at which murders were committed.)

So, I think you have devised a genuinely original way to kill someone. I recommend using corn tortilla shells, though, because killing someone with a soft taco has got to be both highly challenging and extremely messy.

Anonymous said...

"sprite knife" turned up 1 result. which was funny if you know what a sprite knife is.

it had nothing to do with the actual weapon required to open a can of sprite, it was you just random.

Dan said...

Exactly the same thought just occurred to me, with exactly the same results. And I experienced exactly the same kind of disappointment that regardless of whether albino porn might or might not be erotic, the web could not provide even a single image to satisfy my curiosity.

But Google also pointed me to your post.

So thank you ever so much for doing the legwork and researching the subject for me.

Aldo Alessandro Murgui said...

I'm very curios about how an albino looks like naked... legs, ass, genitals...
I also googled it with no results, and i experienced the same disapointment and frustration...
The most interesting thing i found looking for "albino porn" is this blogg

Anonymous said...

This is absolutely genius. Try reading this entire discussion... high. LOL!

Anonymous said...

Lawd have marceee. NOW i really wanna see some Albino porn

nesciwashere

Anonymous said...

:: chuckles:: wow.. i have to agree.. that searching for albino porn is slightly disturing.. but hey, one of my friends is, and i was curious to see how shed look naked.. but alas.. the interweb has failed me...

Schadenfrau said...

http://pridesack.blogspot.com/2007/12/albino-porn.html

I was looking up albino porn, too - found this. It isn't as interesting as I would have hoped, really.

Anonymous said...

http://www.rude.com/v/m8YxYXy236P

you're welcome.

Anonymous said...

http://www.davelog.com/albino/AlbinoPorn.jpg

the only bit of albino porn i've been able to find.

trouble is i can't find that damned elusive video anon help!!! for the love of the interwebs

Anonymous said...

http://img158.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=95994_ice15x_123_623lo.JPG

i take it back this is the second pic set ive found but still no elusive vid

Anonymous said...

holy moly! I had exactly the same idea and scenario plus consequences! I too was discussing albino porn from a satirical viewpoint and then wondered if it was out there?

Robbie D said...

Dude, we just discussing fair skinned women and were interested in wonder the color of a albinos nipple.

Thanks for your information. I will now make it a personal goal to develop a website devoted to an albino porn fetish

- The Double Duce

Anonymous said...

So almost 10 years later...still no albino porn...