Scent of a Galilean

Ever wonder what Jesus smelled like?

No, me neither.

It's a stupid question. He probably smelled like everyone else in Biblical times...sweaty unwashed ass. Imagine an entire Middle East filled with people wandering around the desert in heavy robes, never showering, with no access to soap and no sewers around to dispose of their waste. Why, it would be just like it still is today in that backwards ass part of the world.

So that's why it's odd that a South Dakota couple has begun selling candles that smell like Jesus.

No, really.

"We see it as a ministry, " says Bob Tosterud, who together with his wife came up with the idea for the candle.

Light up the candle called "His Essence" and its makers say you'll experience the fragrance of Christ.

It's all right there in the Bible, folks. Your wine becomes Jesus' blood, your crackers become his skin and your scented Crabtree & Evelyn giftpack takes on his distinctive musky odor. Duh.

No, actually, the Tosterud's base their recipie on a description of Jesus' smell from Psalm 45.

"It's a Messianic Psalm referring to when Christ returns and his garments will have the scent of myrrh, aloe and cassia," says Karen Tosterud.

Wondering what that must smell like, Karen Tosterud ordered those oils, a combination that produces sort of a flowery, cinnamon aroma. Then she called on a friend who just happened to be a candle-maker.

Man, the New Testament can't get enough of this myrrh stuff. Maybe that one Wise Man gave him way too much to celebrate his illustrious birth, and he spent the rest of his life trying to use it up. As long as he didn't walk around smelling like frankincense.

By the by, did you know that The Bible doesn't say anything about there being only three wise men? It's true! It says wise men came to see Jesus from Jerusalem, and it says they brought three gifts (gold, frankincense and myrrh, of course), but it doesn't say there were only three of them. That's just lazy Christian holiday shorthand!

But honestly, if it's a nice smelling cinnamon candle, that's fine. Go with it. But claiming that it actually captures a smell that could be ascribed to the Savior isn't just really dumb, it's close to blasphemous. Right? I mean, the whole idea is that you have to believe in Jesus even though he's not tangible, yes? Once you start recreating him all around you, so that you can get a better sense of who he was as a man, you've kind of lost the battle already. (Mel Gibson, I'm looking in your direction). It's faith...you either got it or you don't.

"You can't see him and you can't touch him," says Bob Tosterud. "This is a situation where you may be able to sense him by smelling. And it provides a really new dimension to one's experience with Jesus."

Plus, it kind of makes you hungry for sweet rolls. Which, you might not know, were a favorite of Jesus', so eating them kind of gives you this whole new perspective on what his actual breakfasts might have been like.