Be Vewwy Vewwy Quiet...

There's a bunch of dumb ideas for Internet companies that people have already tried. I discussed Kozmo.com only yesterday, a company that genuinely thought it could make thousands of dollars off of lazy people ordering muffins off of the Internet. Then there was Pets.com, assuming people had no way of obtaining kibble without special ordering it from two states over.

But Live-Shot.com must be the dumbest idea of all. Live-Shot offers a service wherein you can fire a remotely placed gun from your computer, in order to kill wild animals without even leaving the comfort of your own house.

I shit you not. They call it a "real-time shooting and hunting experience."

From their website:

LIVE-SHOT is similar to a trip to the rifle range with one very notable exception. Everything is done through a computer and the internet. A paid membership will allow for access to the range viewing camera(s) at any time. Members can then schedule a reserved session time which allows exclusive control of the shooting system to fire at a choice of various reactive targets.

Hmmm...reactive targets...what does that mean?

Why, Barbary Sheep, Antelope, and wild hogs, of course!

Other antlered species like axis, fallow, and red stag will be available on a limited basis. If you are interested in one of these or possibly another species not listed, contact us and we’ll be glad to assist you in providing the chance at the trophy of you dreams. Meat processing and taxidermy work are available from independent providers and shipping is available worldwide.

Well, I have to say, that is really stupid. I thought those video games that simulate shooting a deer were kind of dumb, but the very idea that someone would pay a significant amount of money to sit in their underwear by their computer and take potshots at defenseless creatures for the voyeuristic thrill of watching something die really makes me wonder...Wonder about whether we have a future as a species. I'm gonna go ahead and say, probably not.

According to AFP, a few weeks ago Howard Giles became the first man ever to kill a wild hog with a computer. Way to go, Howard! You're a role model for bloodthirsty nerds everywhere!

As you'd probably expect, there's a good deal of outcry and anger about this idea. The Humane Society frowns upon Internet hunting, and surprisingly, actual hunters have also voiced outrage at the idea of people killing animals through the miracle of technology.

A Republican representative in the Texas Legislature, Todd Smith, himself an occasional hunter, has offered a bill to ban the practice.

"I don't think we should be able to kill God's creatures with the click of a mouse," Smith said. "I think hunters are offended by the concept, much less non-hunters."

I have to tell you, I think the whole concept of shooting a gun through the Internet is mind-bogglingly dumb, but I don't think it's necessarily more immoral than killing an animal live and in person. I mean, the animal doesn't give a shit if you're in the forest with it or 50 miles away. It's still dead. And as long as the practice of firing a gun is safe through a webcam, I can't see it being, from an entirely practical standpoint, any different. And you don't have to wear those silly hats with the flaps on it, that's got to stand for something.

You may be wondering, how much would I have to pay for the distinct pleasure of destroying a life while simultaneously playing Minesweeper?

More than 350 people from as far away as France and Australia are paying 15 dollars a month and six dollars each time they fire off 10 rounds from a .22 caliber rifle.

Hunters also have to pay 300 dollars for a two-hour session, and obtain a Texas hunting permit. That, too, can be gotten over the Internet.

That's actually pretty reasonable when you get right down to it. I'd have thought rich assholes would shell out way more than $300 to be able to kill something via webcam. What's the point of being rich if you can't overpay for the privilege of firing a rifle at Bambi?

I mean, if you wanted to take a family of four to Disneyland, it would probably run you over $315, and you wouldn't even have the pleasure of knowing that a living creature suffered in a forest glen miles away. Plus, the Magic Kingdom? They don't offer taxidermy work.

Still, I think I'll hold out on Live-Shot.com for now. I'm still waiting for the opportunity to drown kittens online. There's an IPO just waiting to happen.