The State of Delusion

What Union was the President talking about last night? Because it sure didn't sound like he was discussing the state of American interests. More like the issues confronting Fantasyland.

Tonight, with a healthy, growing economy, with more Americans going back to work, with our Nation an active force for good in the world -the state of our union is confident and strong.

That's a sentence with three prepositional clauses. And not one of those clauses is accurate. "Healthy growing economy," nope. "Americans going back to work," to low-paying, insecure jobs that may be sent overseas at any time. "Our Nation an active force for good in the world." Well, you guys can handle that one on your own.

I welcome the bipartisan enthusiasm for spending discipline.

George W. Bush talking about spending discipline? This guy throws money around like Paris Hilton after 10 sour apple martinis. His budget's more loose than Anna Nicole Smith's grip on reality.

The principle here is clear: a taxpayer dollar must be spent wisely, or not at all.

Or, you know, given to one of my rich friends. But that is wise, because then they do favors in return for me! What a country!

Okay, so, you get the idea. He just blathers on like this endlessly. Check out the whole speech here.

A good rule of thumb: just change each sentence around to read the opposite of how it's written, and it's likely the truth. For example:

You and I share a responsibility. We must pass reforms that solve the financial problems of Social Security once and for all.

It should read:

You have a responsibility, which I will attempt to skirt for me and my rich friends. We must pass reforms that don't solve any problems with Social Security, but that's okay, because I'm basically exaggerating the problem with Social Security in the first place.

Or:

While our military strategy is adapting to circumstances, our commitment remains firm and unchanging. We are standing for the freedom of our Iraqi friends, and freedom in Iraq will make America safer for generations to come.

While our military fumbles around in the desert, dying by the hundreds because of my lack of a clear plan of action for this war, we are standing for the continued violence against those who hate us in Iraq. And this conflict I have started in Iraq will make your family less safe from terror for generations to come.

See how that works? It's easy!