Chris Rock's Def Oscar Jam

Got to see the vast majority of the Oscar telecast, as the video store sat empty for basically my entire shift today. The boss said it was alright for us to keep the TV at the front tuned to the show, so I didn't miss a single award.

The show came off pretty well this year. Rock was a great host, getting in a few quips here and there but not taking over the show, as some other hosts have been known to do. Like, oh I don't know, say, Billy Crystal, with his endless mugging, tired Catskills schtick and half-hour song-laden monologues? I say we only go with edgy comedians from now on. Tell me you don't want to hear Dave Attel do his best 15 minutes on drunk midgets with Lauren Bacall in the front row.

And, though it wasn't really that classy hauling all the nominees on stage to get to the speeches faster, it was effective. The show clocked in at a neat n' tidy 3.25 hours, which is the shortest, leanest Oscarcast I can think of. I say we do away with the performances of Best Original Song nominees altogether unless they're sung by a higher caliber of artist. Can you believe this year they nominated a stand-by Andrew Lloyd Webber song?

Let me put this into context. This is a song Webber chose not to include in one of his shows, but reserved for the movie. It wasn't a good enough song to make it into an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. Any song will do in one of this guy's plays. He's got an entire musical about trains performed by actors on roller skates. Saying your song isn't good enough for an Andrew Lloyd Webber show is like saying your noodles aren't good enough to serve at the Olive Garden.

And what's with having Beyonce perform all the nominated songs? She didn't sing them in the movies. It's not like, halfway through Les Choristes, the kids all leave the stage to bring on Beyonce Knowles. She and Jay-Z didn't do a walk-on in the middle of Polar Express to the best of my knowledge, but there they both are in the front row of the Oscars, like two people who've, I don't know, had an illustrious career in filmmaking or something. They had better seats than Charlie Kaufman, and he had already been nominated twice before!

Speaking of which, that was the highlight of the evening for me. Seeing Kaufman, who has been one of my favorite working screenwriters since the first time I saw Being John Malkovich, pick up an Oscar for writing my favorite film of 2004 was a real thrill. What a great moment. In fact, both of the screenwriting categories went to the most deserving recipients this year, which is both a rarity and a pleasure.

As for the main categories, I can't fault Foxx's performance despite hating the film that spawned it. He didn't do a bad job - Hackford just didn't trust any of his actors enough to simply let them occupy the film. He forced everything into a shrill, obvious narrative and basically eliminated any sense of real humanity from the project. But Foxx did do a remarkable job of suggesting the presence of Charles during many moments of the film, so for that, I'll grant him his award. He's clearly an obvious talent with a great deal of charisma, though I preferred his nominated performance in Collateral this year.

And what's with awarding Scorsese's many longtime collaborators but not the man himself? It's beginning to seem almost vindictive. His editor for his entire career picked up her second Oscar tonight for The Aviator. She's done this before, winning an Oscar when her director goes unheralded (the last time was 1980, when she won for Raging Bull but Best Picture went to the lesser Ordinary People). Not to mention Dante Feretti picking up his Oscar for the sets, Robert Richardson getting the nod for his cinematography and Cate Blanchett winning for Best Supporting Actress. Leaving aside my feelings that The Aviator was the superior of the two films, I can't help but feel sorry for Marty, who obviously wants the recognition of his peers.

He'll have to content himself, I suppose, with the knowledge that most of history's greatest filmmakers are without statuettes. Alfred Hitchcock? 0 Oscars. Stanley Kubrick? 0 Oscars. Orson Welles? 0 Oscars. Now that's an elite group.