For all you Holiday shoppers...

...here's a helpful article, identifying the most violent (and therefore best) video games.

Coming in at #1? No surprise here. It's "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas," which I have not yet played, but is the sequel to "Vice City," a game in which you could freely walk around and chainsaw people to death. So, I'm there.

Here's a surprise, though. "Half-Life 2," a game where you run around and kill aliens, came in second. Is killing insect-like aliens even considered violence? I squash insects every day, and they're from this planet.

Not to mention that there's a game out there called "Hitman," where you're, well, a professional hitman. Plus, there's about 500,000 fighting games out there, and they have the fighting right there in the name of the genre! None of those made the list. But "Doom 3," a game where you kill DEMONS on MARS, is on there...Cause, you know, the graphics are so realistic.

So, I started thinking, "who the hell are the people who made up this list, anyway?" And I Google'd them. It's The National Institute on Media and the Family, y'all! They have a hilarious website (click that name back there what is blue) that I suggest you check out.

Perhaps my favorite part is the movie review section, filled with nuggets such as this paragraph, about The Grudge:

There are many scary moments in the movie. Some of the violence is graphic and there is a suicide. There is some strong language and a sexual situation that is not graphic. We see various body parts lying around at times and there are several "jump out of your seat" scary moments. Why are we so entranced with horror movies, ghosts and death?

This is written by a woman, Linda Thomas, who the website swears is a real movie critic (and a native Minnesotan!), though it doesn't include the names of any publications where you can read her deep, penetrating insights, insights that include "horror movies are scary" and "people like ghosts and death."

Ms. Thomas also wrote this send-up of Team America: World Police for the same site:

The amount of swearing and crude language is tremendous. There is a sex scene between two of the marionettes that is several minutes long and very graphic. This movie could easily have been given an NC-17 rating.

There's a small part of me that takes a certain amount of glee in the fact that this woman was forced, due to her chosen occupation, to type the phrase "sex scene between two of the marionettes that is several minutes long and very graphic."

Now, those are funny...but they're nothing (NOTHING!) compared to the fun you will have at Christian Spotlight on the Movies.

Oh, man, this is like my favorite site on the 'Net. Just for starters, let's see what they have on The Grudge, a movie which I saw and rather enjoyed, though I found it frequently ridiculous and silly, and felt that the script could have used an extra polish.

Okay, the review (by Mr. Douglas Downs) starts with this witty (?) rejoinder:

Don’t let the title fool you. The Grudge may sound like the name of a new club band, but it has nearly the same intensity as The Ring.

What the hell's a "new club band"? Does he mean grunge? What?

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. The review. It continues thusly:

No, I do not believe in ghosts and spirit-power beyond the grave. Hebrews 9:27 - “Man is destined to die once and after that to face the judgment”. I do believe that Satan can appear as a malicious and deceptive spirit.
I John 4:1 “Dear Friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God.” Having said that, I do like a good creepy haunted house flic [sic].

I don't know if you're getting a kick out of this in reader-land, but here at Crushed By Inertia-Central, we have Sprite coming out of our noses. Of course ghosts aren't real, you understand. But Satan can (and will!) appear as a malicious and deceptive spirit. Duh! HAVING SAID THAT, on to the review:

Director Shimizu wrote the original script in a traditional nonlinear fashion.

Guh? And here's the capper:

If you enjoy people vanishing, scary elevators, frightening shadows, a black cat and a lot of terrified people…then The Grudge is your ticket.

And who doesn't enjoy all of those things?

Seriously, this is just a taste. I recommend heading over to Christian Spotlight, thinking of the 2 or 3 most objectionable movies in your collection, and then getting ready for some Scriptural references mixed with bad undergraduate feature reporting!