The Hostility of Our City...Of Our City...

Despite the fact that my apartment has three bedrooms, there are only two assigned parking spaces. It's one of the many inconvenient, outright silly features here on Midvale Ave. We also have washers and dryers that work only sporadically, a complete lack of hot water between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. and, as I've mentioned on here before, a Third World-esque crush of noisy, aimless children roaming about and creating all manner of havoc.

It ain't exactly the Shangri-La, but it's home.

Anyway, though there are only two official parking spaces here, the driveway does boast a back wall, against which stands a dumpster and not much else. My roommates and I have found that we can fit cars flush up against this wall without preventing any other parked cars from getting out. It is a solution that has served us well for several years now.

At one time, I recall that there were other tenants of the building who would vie for this parking space. It was essentially a free-for-all...If you got home and it was available, it was yours. The system worked fine. Soon enough, these other people left the building, and I kind of inherited the spot full-time. That was well over a year ago.

And everything has been fine ever since. Until last night. Last night, I got home from work (at around 9:30) to discover that some strange car was in my spot. Now, bear in mind, no one ever parks in that spot any more. It has been mine or my roommates exclusively for at least 14 months. So, I figured that some visitor to the building had left their car there (it being Friday night and all). I parked in an oblong manner, to accomodate anyone who might want to leave (I hoped) and went upstairs.

I figured they might have trouble getting cars out, but I was right upstairs, so any honking or yelling or commotion would have been audible to me. And sure enough, after an hour, someone came to my door and asked me to move my car. I complied happily.

While moving my car, I noticed a young woman standing in front of the car that was in my space. She was scowling at me with her arms across her chest. I don't know if I had ever seen her before in my life, but I didn't recognize or remember her.

After various other cars engaged in various maneuvers, I noticed that the car in my space was not going anywhere. Was I expected, after two years of parking in this place, to just turn around and give up? To walk 10 minutes back to my apartment in the middle of the night (it was around 11 p.m.)? Seemed kind of unreasonable, without any explanation.

Before I could even consider getting out of my car and addressing the situation, the angry girl came over to where I was sitting. She rapped on my window.

"Don't park there any more, because we may want to get out again."

"Okay," I responded. "Is that your car in my space?"

"It's not your space!"

This affirmation was followed, folks, by a torrent of hostility, anger and profanity the likes of which few have witnessed. Clearly, this woman had observed me parking in this spot for months and considered that I had no more legal right to the space than she did. This resentment must have brewed within her each and every time she trudged the 10 minutes home from her car on a cold night. And, after months of not saying anything, she just exploded on me. It was peculiar in the extreme.

I tried my best to be reasonable without simply giving up on my rights to park near my apartment. No dice. "But I've been parking here for years...Why didn't you just ask me to share instead of stealing into the spot in the middle of the night...Stop yelling at me, wacko..." These were some of the arguments I offered when I could get a word in.

Eventually, I realized this exchange wasn't going anywhere. I had no desire to have her car towed or to inspire any further aggression, so I said the following:

"Okay, get out of my face now. I'm done with you."

Then I rolled up the window and drove out, trying not to actually run over the girl. But not trying too hard.

And I actually found a pretty close parking space. Sure, it's not as good as being below my building, but it's better than getting into a violent endless battle for territory. And tonight, when I got back from work, I just parked on the street without even checking the building...Let's wait a few days, allow her to build up a sense of security...

And that's when I'll have my roommate Nathan, who hasn't moved his car since the Chinese Cultural Revolution, steal into the spot during the day while she's at work. Because in these matters, it's all about strategery.