Top 70 Profane, Rude or Inappropriate Movie Quotes

Why 70? Because I couldn't get to 100. Well, okay, I got really close to 100. But that was by cheating, using IMDB a bunch to recall quotes I didn't know too well. In most cases, if I figured I could get close, I just guessed.

Also, to get all the way to 100, I needed to include quotes that weren't quite profane enough for the list. I really wanted quotes with bad words in them, but some of the ones that made the final cut simply refer to something disturbing going on in the film (like #40, from Deliverance) or include mild profanity like "ass" or "butthead." (Can you guess which film that's from...it's at #63).

Also, I counted racial slurs, because there are so many good quotes with them. (One of my all-time favorite movie quotes is #68, from The Untouchables).

The whole idea, initially, was to mock that stupid AFI Best Movie Quotes list, which for some ridiculous reason didn't include any quotes with profanity. Discounting any quote that referred to sex or included a cuss word eliminates a whole lot of great movie quotes. At least from films made after the early 1960's.

But that list came out forever ago, and because it took me so long to compile this list, it's not really very timely any more. But I still want to publish it because it's so fucking cool.

Okay, with any list, you need ground rules.

(1) They must be from American films, like the AFI list.

(2) I will not rank the quotes, because that's stupid anyway. I mean, how can you say which quote from two equally good movies is somehow "better"?

(3) Only one quote per movie. Some movies, like Goodfellas, have tons of great profane quotes, but if I allowed mutliple quotes from the same movies, the entire list would be Martin Scorsese and Brian Da Palma movies.

1. "Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker." - Die Hard

2. "You ready to be fucked, man? I see you roll your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up." - The Big Lebowski

3. "Fuck you, fuckball." - Get Shorty

4. "Turn on the light , you fucking dyke." - Bound

5. "Now go get your fucking shine box." - Goodfellas

6. "Her pussy gets so wet." - Election

7. "She says, 'What's wrong with you...You're fucking just like a Chinaman!'" - Chinatown

8. "Get your ass to Mars." - Total Recall

9. "I'll put your wife out on the street to get fucked in the ass by niggers and Puerto Ricans." - Thief

10. "I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning, Ill get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and... walk in and see. If you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fuckin' head wide-open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. 'Cause I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do." - Casino

11. "If Butch goes to Indo-China, I want a nigga waiting in a bowl of rice to bust a cap in his ass." - Pulp Fiction

12. "Not your type? Man, I'm Big Dick Blaque. I've worked with all the great ones...Johnny Wad, John Holmes. Not your type?" - Hardcore

13. "Is this an ultimatum? Answer me, you ball-busting, castrating son of a cunt bitch! Is this an ultimatum or not?" - Carnal Knowledge

14. "Do they pay you to screw that bear?" - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

15. "I'm Tony Montana! You fuck with me, you fucking with the best!" - Scarface

16. "We act like we don't need the shit, they give us the shit for free." - Swingers

17. "BOBBY: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

WAITRESS: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

BOBBY: I want you to hold it between your knees." - Five Easy Pieces

18. "Give me the keys, you fucking cocksucker." - The Usual Suspects

19. "BART: What do you like to do?

WACO KID: Play chess. Screw.

BART: Let's play chess." - Blazing Saddles

20. "INGA: He would have an enormous vanschtooker.

FREDERICK: Goes without saying." - Young Frankenstein

21. "I hate to be the kind of nigga that does a nigga a favor and then immediately asks for a favor in return, but what can I say, I got to be that nigga." - Jackie Brown

22. "DORIS: With you, it's all nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm and orgasm.

HARRY: In France, I could run for office with that slogan and win." - Deconstructing Harry

23. "I was going to write an article entitled 'Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World,' but now I think I will call it, 'Michael Jackson May Be Sitting On Top of the World, But He's Not Sitting the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause They Ain't Got No Niggas There.'" - Beverly Hills Cop

24. "Were you in the shit?" - Rushmore

25. "37...My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks." - Clerks

26. "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell." - The Exorcist

27. "This watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy, I don't give a shit. Good father, fuck you. Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?" - Glengarry Glen Ross

28. "Texas? Holy shit, son, only steers and queers come from Texas, and you don't much look like cattle to me so that kind of narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?" - Full Metal Jacket

29. "Shut that cunt's mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!" - The Way of the Gun

30. "My name's Buck, and I'm here to fuck." - Kill Bill Vol. 1

31. "When they find you, they'll go to work on you with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch." - Charley Varrick

32. "I'm gonna kill her with that gun. Did you ever see what a .44 Magnum pistol can do to a woman's face? I mean it will fuckin' destroy it. Just blow her right apart. That's what it will do to her face. Now, did you ever see what it can do to a woman's pussy? That you should see. That you should see; what a .44 Magnum's gonna do to a woman's pussy you should see. I know, I know you must think that I'm, you know, you must think I'm pretty sick or somethin', you know, you must think I'm pretty sick. Right? You must think I'm pretty sick? I'll betcha you really think I'm sick. You think I'm sick? You think I'm sick? You don't have to answer that. I'm payin' for the ride. You don't have to answer that." - Taxi Driver

33. "Forty-two percent of all liberals are queer. That's a fact. The Wallace people did a poll." - Joe

34. "He said, 'I can smell your cunt.'" - Silence of the Lambs

35. "This is a fuck!" - Office Space

36. "Shut your fucking face, Unclefucker." - South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut

37. "Here's one, and this is just a two word review. 'Shit Sandwich.'" - This is Spinal Tap

38. "How exactly does one suck a fuck?" - Donnie Darko

39. "Pardon my French, Rooney, but you're an asshole!" - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

40. "Squeal like a pig!" - Deliverance

41. "Respect the cock." - Magnolia

42. "Who the fuck are you? I should remember you? What, you think you like me? You ain't like me motherfucker, you a punk. I've been with made people, connected people. Who've you been with? Chain snatching, jive-ass, maricon motherfuckers. Why don't you get out of here and go snatch a purse." - Carlito's Way

43. "Shit, this is too fuckin' big for you. Who did the president, who killed Kennedy? Fuck, man! It's a mystery! It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma!" - JFK

44. "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love." - Annie Hall

45. "Dominant male monkey motherfucker!" - Dazed and Confused

46. "That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag." - Closer

47. "Well that's great, that's just fuckin' great, man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do? We're in some real pretty shit now man. That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?" - Aliens

48. "Listen to daddy. I want you to take the gun, and I want you to put it in your mouth, and I want you to turn around and blow your brains out. Blow your brains out!" - The Last House on the Left

49. "Bob had bitch tits." - Fight Club

50. "Saigon. Shit." - Apocalypse Now

51. "You're a woman of many parts, Pussy." - Goldfinger

52. "Did you fuck my wife?" - Raging Bull

53. [Okay, I had to copy this off of IMDB...It's too long and I don't have a copy of the movie on hand to consult.] "So you see, way back then, uh, Sicilians were like, uh, wops from Northern Italy. Ah, they all had blonde hair and blue eyes, but, uh, well, then the Moors moved in there, and uh, well, they changed the whole country. They did so much fuckin' with Sicilian women, huh? That they changed the whole bloodline forever. That's why blonde hair and blue eyes became black hair and dark skin. You know, it's absolutely amazing to me to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, that, uh, that Sicilians still carry that nigger gene." - True Romance

54. "I want a place where I can get a shot and a beer. A steak. Not more fucking pancakes." - Fargo

55. "I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass and lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy." - Boogie Nights

56. "All we got on this team are a buncha Jews, spics, niggers, pansies, and a booger-eatin' moron!" - The Bad News Bears

57. "She was beautiful; she was young; she was innocent. She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had 'em all over the world. And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive oil voice and guinea charm, and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous! And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous!" - The Godfather

58. "Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell me your children." - The Blues Brothers

59. "Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!" - Blue Velvet

60. "Look at them. Ordinary fucking people. I hate them." - Repo Man

61. "I know why. Because this guy is one macho motherfucker." - Rolling Thunder

62. "Cause she's got a great ass... and you got your head all the way up it!" - Heat

63. "What are you lookin' at, butthead?" - Back to the Future

64. "You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood." - American Psycho

65. "You know why they call you Goon? Because you're retarded. And you're ugly. You're an ugly retard. And they call you Goon because you're ugly and retarded." - Buffalo 66

66. "HARRY CALLAHAN: Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard. That's my policy.

MAYOR: Intent? How did you establish that?

HARRY CALLAHAN: When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross." - Dirty Harry

67. "I told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. 'We're all out of cornflakes. F.U.' It took me three hours to figure out F.U. meant Felix Unger." - The Odd Couple

68. "Isn't that just like a wop? Brings a knife to a gun fight." - The Untouchables

69. "Tell your girlfriend to point her titties north and step on the gas!" - Hard Target

70. "The Church is a fucking racket. I know how they operate. I've been part of the racket since the first time some faggot priest spilt water on my head." - Bad Lieutenant

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