You're a Mean One, Mrs. Grouch

If you add up the amount of time I spent managing a Barnes & Noble and now working at Laser Blazer, you would get approximately 2 years. That's a lot of customer service, and I can honestly say that I have only exchanged harsh or angry words with 2 members of the public during all of my retail experience.

Today was the second time, and it was particularly intense. I have never before in my life had to kick someone out of a store where I was working, but I suppose these things happen.

Here's the background - a few days ago, an older woman came into the store and purchased a marked-down copy of His Divorce/Her Divorce, an old Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor drama, for $4.98. It's one of those random, cheaply-produced DVD's that come from a small distributor. As anyone who regularly buys DVD's that don't come from regular studios will tell you, the picture and sound quality vary greatly from title to title.

Apparently, this woman was not aware of this fact, and today she came in with (I presume) her daughter and two grandchildren to return the movie.

Now, it's store policy not to take back an opened movie for full price, unless of course it's defective.

And it'ds the definition of this term, defective, that caused all the problems. I was using the term properly - to indicate that the DVD was scratched, flawed or physically incapable of being played. This woman and her daughter took up the position that any DVD which does not meet an overall standard of quality - that is, DVD's with fuzzy pictures, poor transfers or muddy sound - is defective and should be returnable.

At first, I resisted. I offered $3 for a trade-in of the title, which would mean that the entire misadventure would cost a grand total of $2. This was insufficient. The woman and her daughter continued arguing, repeating the same two or three inane statements and getting increasingly agitated.

I was pretty proud of myself. I didn't get angry or visibly upset, and neither did the two guys with whom I was working. We all took a decent amount of verbal abuse from these woman before I conceded.

Yes, that's right, I gave in. I offered the woman store credit in the amount of $5, just to shut her up. But it didn't work. My concession only seemed to make her more angry. I think perhaps it was my choice of wording.

Here's what I said, as near as I can recall:

"Okay, I'll give you the full credit this time, but in the future, please bear in mind that we can't be held responsible for things like picture and sound quality. Those are up to the company authoring the disc."

And here's how the woman's daughter, who had by now taken the position of consumer advocate to heart, responded:

"What? No, that's ridiculous. This is the worst service I've ever had. I shop here all the time. You can't hear the movie. It doesn't work. That's defective. You shouldn't sell discs like that. I shop here all the time. This is ridiculous. I can't hear the movie, you can't hear what they're saying. Why would you sell something like that? This is ridiculous. It doesn't work. It's defective. I shop here all the time. IT'S DEFECTIVE AND IT DOESN'T WORK! I SHOP HERE ALL THE TIME!"

At around this time, I finished ringing up the transaction, giving her $5 credit that she immediately used towards the purchase of Season 1 of Paris Hilton's reality show "The Simple Life." This is staggeringly appropriate, as she and Paris Hilton seem to share a perspective and worldview.

So I bring the purchases to the end of the counter and think to myself that I'm finally done. At this point, the woman flips out once again, runs over to our bargain used section, and begins to verbally accost two perfectly innocent young girls who happen to be browsing for DVD's.

Seriously. She knocks discs away from them and loudly announces that they shouldn't buy discs from our used bin, that they are all defective and that we won't take them back. At this point, I finally raised my voice, announced to the woman that they and their children were no longer welcome in the store.

My co-worker joined me in telling them to "go home," and all three of us behind the counter made it quite clear that it was time to leave.

Thinking about it later, I wondered if this woman would have any pangs of regret later for her behavior. Maybe she was having a horrible day, suffering from some tragedy, and this incident was merely the final frustration that broke her spirit. I can't be sure.

If she has any sense at all, she'll later be embarrassed about how she acted. If it were me, I could never show me face in that store again. And all over a matter of $2! And in front of her young children!

Sometimes you come face to face with the truly ugly side of humanity. Usually, it makes me frustrated and angry, but tonight, I just feel sad and disconnected.