Top Ten Things People Do In Movies But Rarely Do In Real Life

10. Hit the top of someone's car right before that person drives away

Have you ever actually done this? Been standing by someone's car before they go somewhere, and tap the top of it, as if to indicate that everything has been safely stowed away and they can depart without difficulty?

You'd never do that in Los Angeles, because everyone's car is covered in thick, black grimy smog air after they've driven 10 feet. Who knows what you'd get on your hand tapping the top of my car...

9. Interrupt people who are drunkenly embarrassing themselves

In movies, whenever anyone starts making a scene, particularly a drunken scene, a helpful friend will always intervene immediately and prevent the conflict from escalating too far.

In my experience, this doesn't happen often in life, except when it comes to fistfights. As soon as two guys are going to fistfight, a mob of other guy friends jumps into the middle and pulls the guys apart.

But otherwise, drunk people tend to make public asses of themselves without friend intervention. Take this drunk dude who always comes into Laser Blazer. He's drunk, he wants to rent movies, he wants to talk loudly on his cell phone about whatever business he was doing that day before he got so drunk. And there's no one stepping into the store, telling him to just rent the videos and stop making such a spectacle of himself. He just goes freely about his douchebaggery until we kick him out of the store at 10 pm.

8. Take off their glasses for emphasis

Particularly science guys in the movies do this. Like, you'll say, "How big of a storm is it that's headed for Downtown Hoboken."

And then the camera will zoom in on them real close, they'll pull off their glasses and say, "The biggest storm I've ever seen."

If you saw a real scientist do this, you'd think he was the biggest goober in the known universe. Say you're in a hospital, having a final consultation with a surgeon. "How big of a tumor is it that you have to remove." Then he takes off his glasses and says, "The biggest tumor I've ever seen." You'd immediately ask to have a different doctor work on you, cause this guy is a weirdo. Like, Alec Baldwin in Malice or something.

7. Pay with exact change

Movies never want to bother with characters waiting around for change, so everyone always pays for everything in exact change. I don't think I'd mind so much, if everything in movies always cost even money, but the dialogue will always have the cashier say something like, "That'll be $7.89" and then the character just hands them a few bills and walks away.

That's just inconsistent, man...Way to kill the reality of the scene.

6. Hide their car keys above the visor

I don't know...maybe some total idiots do this. I mean, if I were going to try and steal your car, this would be the place I'd look for your keys, because that's where it always is in movies. Also, I'd probably look in the glove compartment, to see if you had any cool sunglasses in there.

5. Hit their alarm clock with their arm when waking, without lifting their head from the pillow

The physics of my room wouldn't even allow me to do this, but I also have the type of alarm clock where it's a little switch you have to flip as opposed to a button. If I hit the button, it means SNOOZE and the thing will just go off in another 5 minutes.

Anyway, this is always how lazy people wake up in movies. Being lazy myself, I'd love to be able to model my behavior this way, but I just can't manage it.

4. Eat take-out Chinese Food Straight From the Containers

Whenever movie characters are burning the midnight oil at some task, they order take-out Chinese and then eat it right out of the containers while they work.

But even on occasions when I've been working late and ordering Chinese food, people usually take the extra two minutes to get a plate, if only to mix their rice and meats properly. Plus, when a large group of people orders Chinese food, it's customarily shared between them, so a person rooting out all the individual pieces of orange chicken with a used food would be simply unsanitary.

3. Have sex with their bras on

Wouldn't this be weird, if you were having sex with a girl and she never bothered to take her bra off? You'd think there must be something wrong with her boobs, that she was embarrassed to show them to you or something.

It's like, hey, I'm inside you, relax. Get comfortable. Take a load off.

2. Shoot at people using two guns

It's a lot harder to aim two guns at the same time as opposed to one. Not to mention the fact that, if you're shooting at someone with two guns, you don't have an arm free to do anything else, like motion to a member of your crew that you need assistance, or brace yourself for a fall, or open the door to your getaway car.

Also, how do you reload a gun when you've got another gun in your hand? You probably have to put one gun down and pull out some bullets from your pocket. But then you better remember to pick up the other gun. All in all, one carefully-fired gun will probably handle all your gun-toting needs, so the additional gun is clearly superfluous.

1. Awkwardly work in product information into otherwise unrelated dialogue

This is becoming a larger and larger phenomenon in films. Like, "Hey, Lincoln, what are you doing?" "Oh, nothing, Jordan, just loading some new songs onto my iPod using iTunes!" "That sounds neato! Now let's try to get off this wacky island." "I told you! There is no island! And what are we going to do about this crazy stealth bomber?"

I guess really really shallow people do this in real life. You're just talking to them about whatever you did the other day, and they bring up how yesterday they bought this awesome Prada backpack which has a special little compartment for your PSP's memory stick, and then you have to excuse yourself to the restroom for 15 minutes of dry heaves.