Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Vol. 1

Yes, I'm doing a post about Star Wars. I'm a dork. I can't help it.

I know, we've all been horribly dissatisfied with the two prequel movies we've gotten so far. Well, most of us have been. Those few, proud uber-dorks still cling to the notion that George Lucas can do no wrong, and that they can make Episode I and II enjoyable by a force of sheer will. They'll pretend Jake Lloyd doesn't yell "wizards" at the top of his lungs 800 times in the first film, that the hot Naboo love montage didn't break up the action in Attack of the Clones more efficiently than a phyiscal tear in the celluloid reel. Mostly, they'll pretend that these films provide even a small fraction of the giddy, fantastical thrill of the original three movies.

But I've come here not to harp on poor, rich, rich GL by bagging on his two previous films. I think even he kind of senses they weren't too good. So he's busily trying to redeem himself, by assuring us fans that Episode III will be a hardcore, in your face bruiser in which no Jedi will be left unsmoted. Plus, he's allowed the Cartoon Network's hugely talented Genndy Tarkovsky (he of "Samurai Jack" fame) a chance to animate a bunch of the interstitial action between Episode II and the upcoming Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the People Who Paid Good Money for Attack of the Clones...Oh, I mean Revenge of the Sith.



So, essentially, this hour-and-15-minute animated film includes all the cool Jedi action Georgie's been denying us for two overlong films. For those of you with girlfriends, when Episode II ends, the Galaxy has become embroiled in a very confusing civil war. Some banking planets or something want to break off from the Federation, or Republic, or Republican Federation, and the Jedi must unite with a clone army farmed on the mysterious planet of Kamino in order to preserve order in the Galaxy.

Why would it be such a big deal of these banking clans split off on their own? I don't know. Honestly, I don't even get what a banking planet could possibly be like. Is everyone on the planet a banker, or do they simply handle all the money for their whole star system? Wouldn't every planet likely have bankers? Why would division of labor be done by planet and not, you know, town like it is now on Earth?

See, after the wars themselves, as we'll see in Episode III: Sympathy for the Vengeance of the Sith, Senator Palpatine will use the division in the universe to assume power. So the Sith themselves are spending most of the actual Clone Wars jockeying for post-Clone-War position.

But these are questions for the main prequels. Clone Wars is all about kicking ass.

As you can probably tell, even the animated film gets a bit bogged down. But Tarkovsky doesn't let his film stop to even try and explain this silly plot stuff for more than a moment or two. He's mostly focused on providing cool-looking animation, smoothly edited and highly cinematic in style and presentation.

We get a series of vignettes which find our Jedi heroes fighting off badass foes with ties to the villainous Sith. In my favorite section, Mace Windu (played by Samuel Jackson in the live-action movies) fights off an entire army of robots being controlled by a massive spacecraft. It's a dazzling sequence which provides more innovative attacks utilizing The Force than Lucas has given us in the past two movies. Windu knocks whole battallions of robots aside, punches holes in the hull with his lightsaber, and even removes the bolts from a killer robot using only the powers of his mind. It's incredible.

Another sequence of note finds Anakin Skywalker, the Future Mr. Darth Vader, battling for his life against Asajj Ventress, a sworn enemy of the Jedi hoping to make a name for herself. It's a terrific fight sequence, although it highlights a problem George has been having in all of the prequel material thus far.

Shall I elucidate? Okay, I will.

You see, in the Original Three Movies, the old ways had died out. There were very few vestiges of the "sorcerer's ways" that once existed in the galaxy remaining. Almost no one is in touch with The Force. So, it was quite easy for Luke to amaze and startle everyone with his incredible Force powers. No one could do that stuff at the time.

But in these movies, the Force is strong with, like, every other person. There are tons of characters about whom we've been told amazing stories of power and conquest. Think about it: Qui Gonn, the sage Jedi Master who trains Obi Wan, Obi Wan himself who trains Anakin, Yoda, Mace Windu, the rest of the Jedi Council, Anakin, Palpatine, Count Dooku, Darth Maul, the aforementioned Asajj, General Greivous in Episode III...I mean, as they say in The Incredibles, if everyone's special, then no one is.

So, I feel for George. It's really hard to give all these badasses screen time and keep them all equally badass. I mean, guys like Mace Windu haven't really gotten to do much yet (save maybe fight a few Clash of the Titans rejects in some long long ago version of "American Gladiators"), and that guys supposed to be the ultimate Jedi superstar or something.

It may sound like I'm down on all this Star Wars stuff, and in many ways I am. I thought a new series of Star Wars films might be a real nice nostalgia trip. Everyone in my generation loved these movies coming up. In fact, I remember going to a friend's birthday party as a young child, and his parents had rented out a small movie theater for all of us. What movie did they show? Episode IV: A New Hope. So new Star Wars stuff represented a chance for all of us to get back together again and rejoin these exciting adventures.

But what we've gotten thus far has been a series of limp kiddie films, movies less about thrilling spectacle and more about marketing, advertising and the occasional bone tossed off to the fan community. I've been less impressed with the films than most fans, I think, and I'll go so far as to claim Clone Wars: Volume 1 as the best film made thus far from prequel material.

But I'm still hopeful, dammit! I still want and expect Episode III: The Chewbacca Defense to rule the Earth. I mean, all the material's right there - ultimate betrayal, death on a massive scale, final showdowns. Don't disappoint me, George, or I'll...well...um...I'll whine about it on my blog!