Thursday, April 23, 2009

Pregnant Bank Robber Sought in North Carolina

Police are looking for a pregnant woman they say tried to rob a North Carolina bank at gunpoint but left empty-handed after answering her cell phone.

Fayetteville police spokeswoman Teresa Chance said Wednesday the woman had a handgun and demanded money when she entered a Carter Bank & Trust branch at 9:43 a.m. the previous day.

But she got distracted when her cell phone rang.

Police said she began talking to the caller and left the bank without taking any money.

Did anyone else read this and immediately envision the trailer it would have as a mainstream comedy, possibly starring Kate Hudson?

"Teresa Chance has a big problem..."

CUT TO: Hudson looking at her pregnant belly in the mirror:

HUDSON: I'm hideous!

"But that was just the beginning..."

LANDLORD: Who's the father?
KATE HUDSON: He's...out of the picture.
LANDLORD: Sorry, no bastards in my building...We need you out of the apartment by Friday.

"Now, to protect her new family, she's going to take the biggest chance of her life..."

CUT TO: Kate Hudson walking into a bank, pregnant, with a gun.

KATE HUDSON: Okay, everyone put your hands in the air, I guess, or something!

Kate's cell phone rings.

DOCTOR (on phone): We have some test results for you!

KATE HUDSON (into phone): Can't this wait? I'm sort of busy now, and I really have to pee!

BANK CUSTOMER: Do we still need to keep our hands up!

CUT TO: "The Fugitive"-style scene with cops standing around on a manhunt.

"But can a single gal take on the long arm of the law alone?"

SHERIFF: I need a hard target search of every Maternity Store, Baby Gap, ice cream parlor and public restroom in that area!

CUT TO: Hudson running into a door or something, like they do in every comedy trailer. (Here we'd also cue in one of those songs that's in every comedy trailer, like "Got My Mojo Working," "Walking on Sunshine" or that one that just goes "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!")

CUT TO: Hudson talking to her Mom from a pay phone.

KATE HUDSON: I just want to do what's right for my son!

KATE'S MOM: First, you just have to do what's right...

"From the producers of some crap like 'Bride Wars', Kate Hudson, Tommy Lee Jones and Annette Benning star in 'Expecting Trouble.' Rated R for dick and poop jokes."

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