There's Only One Man Who Would Dare Give Me the Raspberry...

The Golden Raspberry Awards honor the worst Hollywood films of the year, as judged by a bunch of weirdos who intentionally watch a lot of mainstream pap for no good reason. (This year's big winner was I Know Who Killed Me). It's interesting that they tend to focus on infamous flops (like Showgirls) or obviously terrible films for pre-adolescents (like one of this year's big nominees, Bratz). The Razzies aren't so much about films that are surprisingly terrible, where you actually go see it thinking it will be good. They basically poke fun at the shit that everyone already knows is shit, like Epic Movie and anything starring Paris Hilton. (Look for The Hottie and the Nottie to make a big splash at next year's show.)

I attended the festivities this morning in Santa Monica for Mahalo Daily, and let me tell you...I felt right at home in this crowd. There's a certain type of comedy event that draws exclusively dudes who look like me: overweight, balding bearded guys. When I went to see Tenacious D with my brother at the Wiltern, it was like getting lost in a sea of Lons. I felt like I had crawled inside my own John Malkovich portal. And again at the Razzies, I felt right at home. (A woman from Hong Kong TV actually came up and interviewed me, probably because I looked so much like I belonged there. She didn't even seem to care that I had a microphone and was hosting my own podcast at the time.) In Los Angeles, I'm so rarely able to disappear into a crowd. I saw a photo of me at a party not long ago, and it looked like some idiot had cast Dave Attel in a remake of The Breakfast Club. It's like attractive-fresh-faced-youngster, attractive-fresh-faced-youngster, attractive-fresh-faced-younger, middle-aged-methadone-addict-with-an-eating-disorder. One of these things is not like the other.

Anyway, back to the Razzies.

It's about an hour-long "ceremony" in which Razzie cast members (pretty much an improv comedy group) dramatically read reviews of shit-terrible movies and run clips from them, then announce random winners chosen by some online poll or something.

This year's Worst Picture nominees were Daddy Day Camp, I Know Who Killed Me, Norbit, Bratz: The Movie and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. I think the biggest problem with the show from an entertainment standpoint is that these same movies are nominated in pretty much every category. (I Know Who Killed Me won an all-time record 7 Razzies, including Worst Picture). I mean, it makes sense in a way...If you think Daddy Day Camp is the worst movie of the year (and I haven't seen it, but you're most likely on the right track), it's probably because you think it had the worst screenplay and the worst performances.

But still...it starts to seem like a pile-on after a while. A full hour of grown adults complaining about Norbit feels like overkill. I'm sure it's bad, but what the hell did you expect? Why did you see Norbit in the first place? I see a lot of bad movies, but I knew enough to avoid Norbit.

After the actual ceremony, I did a brief interview with the creator of the Razzies (the HeadBerry, as he's called) John Wilson. He's a very nice guy who looks a lot like Roger Ebert with a beard, and because I get a bit brave and kind of stupid when there's a camera on, I made sure to mention that observation right of the bat, just to make sure I offended him immediately, in case he was going to give me an interesting interview or something. (He was actually very cool and took my abuse in stride).

I asked him about Halle Berry coming to accept her award personally for Catwoman a few years back, and I wish we could put the entire answer into the podcast. (There won't be time). The awards themselves may be about taking cheap shots at the same starlets Perez and TMZ pick on every day, but this guy obviously has a deep affection for schlock cinema, and I can of course respect that. I've seen Can't Stop the Music on more than one occasion. Projected theatrically. Once as part of a double feature with The Apple. And let me tell you, Lindsay Lohan's got nothin' on The Village People.


I'll post the Razziecast whenever we release it this week.