There's No Such Thing As Ghosts

I've always lived in big cities, and I try to surround myself with the most interesting, intelligent individuals possible (though I'm not always successful). So I tend to spend my time in the company of largely reasonable types. Among my close friends, the rates of belief in Zeus, Jesus, the Wolfman, Cthulhu and "The Secret" are roughly comparable.

Yet I still find myself with alarming frequency conversing with someone who believes in ghosts. Ghosts! I can't wrap my mind around this.

How can you possibly believe in ghosts?

People who really want to believe in ghosts try to kind of cheat sometimes. Like, they don't believe ghosts are actually dead people come back to some form of life. They're "shadows" or "impressions" left behind by people who are now gone. All that "spiritual" nonsense. "Oh, I'm not religious, but I'm very spiritual..." That's almost worse. You're still an idiot; this is like being an idiot who lacks an ability to commit and a sense of purpose. If you're going to believe in superstitious bunk, why not go all the way and pray towards Mecca 5x daily? Just get it over with...

You're either alive or you're dead, and if you're a ghost, that certainly means you aren't alive, by definition. So there, New Age-y ghost-nostics.

BUT JUST BELIEVING IN LIFE AFTER DEATH still wouldn't mean you believe in GHOSTS! Even if you accept that people may linger around after they die, despite the fact that we have no evidence of this fact, there has never been a single verifiable instance of a dead person returning to life and it violates almost everything we know about biology, you still have to believe in the ability of these dead spirits to make themselves known to human beings, whose senses aren't really all that acute! I'm likely to stub my toe on a fucking BED if the lights are off, and that thing's large and solid, not to mention present in my bedroom at all times. How am I expected to see the faint outline that was once my Great Uncle Horace?

Scientists estimate there are well over 10 dimensions, layered all on top of one another, all around us, and we can see 3 of them. So how the hell would we be able to see a ghost? Most of us can't find our keys.

Anyway, that's all prelude to this video that aired on some local news broadcast of a weird blue cloud hanging around a gas station freaking out the squares. I can't actually explain this blue cloud to you, because I'm kind of an idiot at all this sciencey stuff, but I'm 100% CERTAIN there's a good, logical, reasonable, non-ghost-related explanation. Because there's NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS. Also, aliens, Godzillas, The Da Vinci Code, talking sponges living in pineapples, angels, zombies and Islamofascists. It's all just horseshit.

[My thanks to my fellow Vaquero Sean for the link]