Your Moment of Zen

At last! It's "Red Eye," the Fox News answer to "The Daily Show"! Check out this exclusive clip, borrowed from Sadly No!, in which the wacky right-wing gang discusses Joe Biden's "clean" remark about Barack Obama.



Now, I don't know if you noticed how they zoom the camera in and out all the time, but it really makes the whole show youthful and edgy. Well, that and the one pundit's adolescent facial hair.

I think the inability of Republicans to find a single quality entertainer on their side has gone from hilarious to tragic. There was a time that it amused me to think of Hollywood-hating Republicans having no choice but to embrace Toby Keith, Larry the Cable Guy and Patricia Heaton for all their entertainmentual needs. But seeing these four "comedians" floundering around, desperate for ANYTHING even remotely resembling a punchline, just makes me ache. It's anti-humor, the kind of shrill, hacky wanklitude that ensures you won't be able to laugh at anything else for the rest of the day.

I mean, they're discussing Joe Biden complimenting Barack Obama on being articulate and clean! How can you not get at least one solid joke out of that? These guys have nothing. The whole bit becomes that one guy in the red shirt playing on the word "clean," suggesting that Biden really meant that people who don't shower can't be President. Well, hardy har har. Look out, Samantha Bee! Andy Samberg's ugly younger brother is coming for you!

It's not fair, really. Think about the crop of talent with which "The Daily Show" has had to work. Beloved comedian and chat show veteran Jon Stewart. The genius of Stephen Colbert AND Steve Carrell, two of the funniest men in America today. Newer cast members like John Oliver, John Hodgman and Rob Riggle. And let's not forget Rob Corddry, Ed Helms, FUCKING LEWIS BLACK, Mo Rocca, Beth Littleford, Dave Attell, A. Whitney Brown, Matt Walsh from "Upright Citizens Brigade," Paul F. Thompkins and Laura Kightlinger and Jerry Minor from "Mr. Show"...And I could keep going!

Conservatives would have to not only hire every funny Republican in history but convert a lot of hilarious liberals in order to compete with a stellar line-up of performers like that. Unfortunately, it looks like they just assembled the first four semi-youthful, loud Republicans they could find and seated them around a TV showing C-SPAN. Kind of like VH1's "I Love the '80s," only they couldn't even get Michael Ian Black to show! That's how long Fox has sunk.

Seriously, most of the "jokes" don't even make any sense! They're talking about how liberals are secretly racist, because they demand that all acceptable black people be light-skinned. (Of course, this requires that one make the rather absurd assumption that Joe Biden reflects the universal thinking of all American liberals, which if true would probably make him a viable candidate rather than a national joke.) So, while they're pretending to think that all liberals secretly hate teh blacks, one of the correspondants chimes in with this common:

"Well, it's affirmative action."

What does that even mean? What on Earth does affirmative action have to do with liberals favoring light-skinned blacks? Is that a joke?

When they're not being nonsensical, they're being vile and mean-spirited, and I think it's here that the comparison to "The Daily Show" becomes a bit more interesting. Stewart's show has some satirical bite, sure, and Stewart's style is definitely sarcastic, but he's rarely if ever caustic. The "host" of "Red Eye" looks like he desperately wants to punch a liberal in the face, if only he could get his hands on one. At the very end of the clip, he mocks Sen. Robert Byrd by commenting that he's "unable to stand," which is untrue, nonsensical (what's funny about his standing or not standing?) AND mean-spirited. All in one rank, unfunny package!

(And the thing is, there's a potential joke there! Biden said something racist, Byrd is a well-known virulent racist...Someone with a sense of humor and half a brain could put a quip together. But, no. Instead we get a "Robert Byrd is old and therefore infirm" joke and a lot of eye-bulging and fake laughter.)

This clip made me want to shoot myself. So, naturally, I figured I'd share it with all of you. Enjoy.