Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Art of Fencing

All in all, it's just another blockhead in the wall...

A civilian border-patrol group said Tuesday that it plans to build two short security fences on a ranch in southern Arizona, the busiest illegal entry point on the U.S.-Mexico border.

Chris Simcox, a leader in the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps, said last month that the group would break ground on the fence unless the White House deployed U.S. troops to the border by May 25 and endorsed more secure fencing.

And when he says "short security fences," brother, you better believe it.

The group initially plans to erect two parallel 15-foot steel-mesh fences, which will be from 50 to 150 feet long. An unpaved road will run between the fences.

I guess the idea is that the Mexicans will be confounded by the sight of the fences, simply assume the jig is up, turn around and begin gainful employment in the Acapulco tourism industry. Because can't they just walk around the 150 foot fences?

Now, if you wanted to charge them a toll to pass through the fences safely rather than risking a run-in with crazed, liquored up Minutemen, then I could see the purpose of this venture. Only problem is you'd have a lot of Mexicans wanting to cross through the toll fence but without enough money for fare.

"Has anybody got a peso? We gotta turn around and get us a shithload of pesos!"

I mean, a 150 foot fence? That's not going to get the job done. I'd expect better out of fringe wackos, frankly. Now's your moment in the spotlight, Chris! Go nuts, man! Make it a huge fucking wall with built-in machine gun turrets and convince Rummy to give you that license to kill you've always wanted, man! Americans will get tired of this issue and move on to something else, so you've got a limited window here.

Hair declined to reveal the location of the fences out of concern the project could be a target for harassment or retaliation.

You're afraid of protesters? Are you guys kidding? You're a militia group. Isn't the whole idea here to make a point and attract attention to your issue? I mean, it's certainly not going to actually keep any Mexican immigrants out of the country.

On the south side facing Mexico, a 6-foot deep trench will keep vehicles from crashing through the fencing. Behind that, coiled and razor-edged barbed wire will be placed in front of a 15-foot steel mesh fence angled outward at the top to make climbing more difficult. The second fence will be built on the other side of the road.

Video cameras will be mounted between the fences and monitored from home computers.

Wow. I'm glad you brave patriots have your webcams at the ready to defend freedom and all...but it still won't work. At all. Oh, and you guys are retarded.

I still can't get over how small these Minutemen are thinking. Why just a fence? You guys should totally construct a Jim Henson-esque Labyrinth at the border! With confusing doors that tell you to go the wrong way and ogres and weird little towns filled with troll men. And when Mexicans try to get into the country, David Bowie shows up and steals their children and they have to navigate through an MC Escher painting to get the kids back. And by then, they're so tired cheesy 80's synth pop and bad sub-Abbott and Costello routines, they don't even want to stay in America any more, so they return to their previous jobs, selling kidneys stolen from drunken frat boys on the black market in Ensenada.

And then, maybe, just maybe, Michelle Malkin will be able to get a good night's sleep.

2 comments:

Lons said...

Publius, I went and took a look at your blog, and it's obvious you spend a lot of time worrying about this issue. I promise you, it's illusory. This menace that you fear isn't real.

Mexicans are coming to America in large numbers because the employment opportunities here far exceed those south of the border.

That's factual. Everything else - your terror of these people ruining public schools, stealing government money, raping your women, all that other stuff - that's all bullshit.

They come because of employment opportunities. Think about that. These aren't criminals streaming across the border. It's much, much easier to be a criminal in Mexico than here. In fact, a lot of our criminals wind up going down there to participate in large, organized criminality.

They come to GET JOBS. These are working just trying to get by, and you are harassing them because you don't like them. Actually, I don't know why you're harassing them. Why are you harassing them?

You spoke on your own blogs about the liberal blogosphere, how "liberals" seem to think that if they all repeat something enough times, it will become true.

I would put it to you that the immigrant debate unfolds on this very logic - with people repeating lies and fabrications about immigrants so often that people begin to believe them - and you can't see it for whatever reason.

So, thanks for commenting, welcome to the blog, I'm glad you're decided to challenge my ideas in the spirit of open debate and inquisitiveness. But I wish you would look beneath the surface of this entire public "immigration" debate to consider the actual reality of immigration in America today, in order to devise solutions more feasible and humane than building a big symbolic fence in Arizona.

Anonymous said...

Lons, they should build a fence around your kitchen to keep you from constantly snacking throughout the night while composing your dumb posts. Your ever-expanding waistline is the only crisis issue, really.