But Who Will Lobby for the Lobbyists Lobbyist?

Want to know how screwed up our political system has become? Consider this...

Elected representatives would often make big deals and have big meetings at gourmet restaurants around the Washington D.C. area, with lobbyists of course picking up the tab. It's just how business is done, not only in Washington but everywhere. (One of my first tasks during the brief time I spent as a P.R. assistant? Learning all the nice restaurants near the office where I'd be making lunch reservations.)

So now that the hammer has come down on lobbying (to a certain extent) in the wake of the Jack-off Abrahamist scandal, these kinds of lunches are becoming somewhat frowned upon. Which could prove costly in the long-run for Washington D.C.'s gourmet food industry.

Almost as much political business gets done over double-cut lamb chops at the elite watering hole — and at similar establishments throughout the city — as under the Capitol dome. It's no wonder, then, that talk of making it illegal for lobbyists to pick up a lawmaker's tab has the local restaurant community all whipped up.

So, in classic Washington style, restaurateurs have dispatched their lobbyists to lobby against efforts to control lobbying.

Aww...Without political corruption, how ever will wealthy local restauranteurs afford that second boat? It's a goddamn tragedy!

When asked if the proposed meal ban would affect her business, Christianne Ricchi, chef and owner of I Ricchi, said: "Absolutely, yes. It's hard to put a number on it. There are ancillary deals and conversations happening all the time. But when Congress is out of town, business goes down, and Washington turns into this sleepy little town. It's very evident."

As I read this entire LA Times article, I wondered three things:

(1) Why can't Congresspeople continue to eat lunch with lobbyists at nice restaurants, but just go Dutch and split the costs? That way, the lobbyist still gets his message heard, the lawmaker maintains his integrity and freedom from conflict-of-interest accusations, and the purveyors of fine meats and seafoods around Washington continue to reap sizable profits. Win-win-win, right?

(2) Would it be so bad if politicians had to occasionally eat at IHOP like the rest of us?

In fact, if I were ever to run for public office, I would make this into one of the major themes of my campaign. "As long as the people in my district have to occasionally make do with the lukewarm, undercooked, meager breakfasts served regularly at IHOP, then darn it, that's where I'm going to eat as well." The commercial would find me in an IHOP, bemoaning the fact that they give you three fatty, greasy, half-cooked shards of bacon as a side-dish, surrounded by dozens of my constituents.

"Harris in '12: Eating Powdered Eggs With the Powerful"

(3) How can anyone lobby in favor of politicians being bought and sold by lobbyists with a straight face?

Seriously, at what point do you stop being a lobbyist and just become a really bad liar?

"No, see, you should let Congressmen and women be bribed with expensive meals because it helps the restaurant industry. And because...um...it's good for America. And, you know, freedom, which is on the march. Can I interest you in a second boat?"

Lobbyists and restaurateurs contend that Abramoff's excesses were aberrations that smeared Washington's long-held habit of mixing business with pleasure. Some lobbyists wine and dine more than others, but Abramoff's brazenness painted them all with the same broad brush, they believe.

"What he was doing is unrecognizable compared to what I do on a day-to-day basis," said John Gay, a lobbyist for the National Restaurant Assn.

Checking his calendar for his most recent dining date with a member of Congress or an aide, he went back four weeks before finding one. He said the lawmaker paid that day.

John Gay, clearly, has gone with George W. Bush's old mainstay...The "Don't Listen to Anyone But Me" Defense. Oh, you think it's corrupt for lobbyists to buy votes with lunches and vacations? It's not. Yeah, I know it sounds corrupt, but it isn't. Trust me. I'm some lobbyist you've never even heard of before, and I wouldn't lie to you.

Government watchdog groups generally favor the meal proposal. "I think most of the American people already expected their representatives to pay their own way," said Roberta Baskin, executive director of the Center for Public Integrity.

But Baskin and others see the free lunch as among the least of Washington's influence-peddling problems. They are more concerned that it appears Congress will leave intact what they view as the real source of influence exercised by lobbyists: the sizable campaign contributions they generate. Gay and other dining industry lobbyists have worked to thwart the proposed meal ban, sending letters to every member of Congress opposing it and talking to as many lawmakers and aides as they can reach.

Poor Roberta Baskin. It can't be easy to run a group in George Bush's America called the Center for Public Integrity. She must be awfully busy.