The Power of Christ Compels You!

A Mexican bishop has apparently discovered a way to cleanse money of spiritual impurities.

No, seriously, what happened was, all these drug-running gangs have been giving alms to the Mexican Catholic Church. And the Church, which felt kind of bad about keeping money that was earned through such intense violence and social evil, had no choice but to spiritually purify the cash.

I mean, what else were they gonna do?

What do you mean, "not keep it." I'll remind you of what Paul says in Corinthians 3:26...

"And they that are given money by merchants of blow shall hold the finances snugly to their breast, cleansing it of all impurities in my name...Oh yeah, and The Holy Father hates fags."

Actually, that last part might technically be in Verse 27...I'll have to check my Bible.

Ramon Godinez, the bishop of Aguascalientes in central Mexico, said donations from drug gangs occurred "everywhere" in the country, adding that it was "not up to us to investigate where the money comes from," daily Reforma newspaper reported.

"You don't have to burn the money just because it's bad. It's better to transform it ... I've known of cases (where) it's been purified," he added.

You see, he's known of cases where drug money has been "purified." What happens is, first, you get an old preist and a young preist. Then, they throw some holy water on the money, count it, divide it into neat stacks of $5,000, place two tight rubber-bands around each stack, place all the money in a duffel bag and take it to Ramon Godinez's office...And the next thing you know, those bills are clean, baby! Christ himself would be proud to take them and purchase himself some 22 inch rims!

Godinez's remarks may have been out of step with the Catholic Church. Bishops in northern Mexico said earlier this year that the multibillion-dollar cross-border trade in cocaine, marijuana and amphetamines went against church teaching.

Godinez's remarks may have been out of step with the Catholic Church? I mean, I knew Pope Joey Ratz was kind of a cruel taskmaster who clearly dislikes the benders, but he won't even come out against drug trafficking and money laundering? What kind of Church is this?