It's the Biggest Travesty of the Summer!

He's an evil robot sent from the future with just one, sinister mission - to annoy you and make things generally irritating.

The Goobernator himself, Arnold Schwartzennegg...Schwartzerne...Schwollenpe...The Governor of California is almost as much of a ridiculous, preening phony as Bill Frist. But not quite!

Just had to comment on this, because I live in California and don't often enough take the time to ridicule this Austrian bodybuilder, who managed to rise to the top of our state's political system faster than a Harrier Jet swooping between the skyscraper's of Downtown Miami.

Arnie has personally raised $3 million to fund his stupid, pointless November ballot initiatives. I'm sorry, but shouldn't he be busy governing instead of flying around the country doing fundraising activities? And if he so desperately needs some money, why not take a month off and film some dumbass Hollywood comedy with Danny DeVito and raise some real money? I mean, oil baron T. Boone Pickens (a real guy) will part with $50,000 if you ask nicely, but Paramount will kick the big guy down $25 mil. for the right project. King Conan, anyone?

Among the big contributions were $1 million from Stockton developer Alex Spanos, $111,000 from Texas high tech mogul Jeff Rich, and $50,000 from oilman T. Boone Pickens.

All of the money went into Schwarzenegger's California Recovery Team, the governor's general purpose committee used to push his ballot measures.

And I could see arguing that raising money to advertise and fund important ballot initiatives is governance. But these three initiatives are stupid, pointless PR moves for Arnold, not genuine urgent legislative needs. Let's take a look at them.

Schwarzenegger is expected in the coming weeks to call a special election this fall. He has three ballot measures he wants to put before voters aimed at capping state spending, redrawing legislative districts and lengthening the time it takes public school teachers to gain tenure.

Okay, capping state spending. I'm all for that if you take it from the right places (Arnold won't...he'll take it from services and programs designed to help the less fortunate rather than the pork programs and bogus corporate loopholes, tax cheats and kickbacks that have come to define our state's financial organization).

Also, considering that this election will cost California somewhere in the neighborhood of $80 million, I'm thinking there are wiser ways to save some cash. I mean, $80 million! That's only $10 million or so less than it cost to make Last Action Hero!

Redrawing legislative districts means Arnold wants to restructure the state to favor Republican candidates. Sweet.

And, let's fuck with teachers because it sounds good to "take on the teachers' union." I'm not saying that all California teachers are perfect and that bad teachers deserve tenure, but COME ON! $80 million! A whole freaking election? Over screwing over some bad teachers?

It's a travesty. Arnold wants a grander political future, so he's designing programs to make it look like he's a bold reformer, rather than a creepy Teutonic strongman. Look at this guy. He looks like he should be wrestling a bear somewhere, not running the world's 5th largest economy!



And that's just what's going on with the guy in the news TODAY. I feel like every time I get an update on the Governator, it's something else that's stupid, inane or self-serving. Did you hear about the photo-op he did the other day with the pothole? He wanted to have a little film clip of himself starting work with a construction crew filling up potholes. Message: The Governor Cares!

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger traveled to a quiet San Jose neighborhood Thursday, and -- dogged by protesters -- filled a pothole dug by city crews just a few hours before, as part of an attempt to dramatize his efforts to increase money for transportation projects.

I mean, duh. What would you have done...actually found a real construction crew and filled a real pothole? That's not very gubanator...gubenatoria...goobernatori...governor-like!

Schwarzenegger strode toward television cameras on Laguna Seca Way to the sounds of the Doobie Brothers' "Taking it to the Streets,'' while flanked by 10 San Jose city road workers wearing Day-Glo vests and work gear. After speeches by the governor and city officials, a dump truck backed up and unloaded a mound of black asphalt and, as television cameras recorded the moment, Schwarzenegger joined the work crew, taking up a broom and filling the 10-by-15-foot hole, later smoothed over by a massive roller truck.

Awesome. Arnold's hard at work for you, folks. Thanks for having that whole special, mid-term election to kick out the old self-serving jerkwad so we could elect this even larger, bulkier self-serving jerkwad.