Stalling Out

In honor of today, my 30th birthday, the media has give me the gift of Lois Feldman and Ross Walsh.

On November 22, 2008, Lois Feldman, a wife and mother of three, was caught having sex with Ross M. Walsh at the Metrodome in Minneapolis during a Minnesota vs. Iowa college football game. Feldman claimed she was so drunk on wine that she doesn't even remember the incident.

Oh, it gets better. Feldman and Walsh had never met one another before the game. And they were each there with other people...He with his girlfriend and she with her husband. Sweet.

Feldman said she’d never met Walsh.

“I don’t know who this man is,” she told the Register. “I just found out his name in the paper.”

I'm sorry, but...that's a whole lot of wine. I have maybe been drunk enough in my life to have sex with a stranger in a crowded stadium bathroom. (And I do mean maybe, because that's pretty drunk. I'd probably pass out before I could make that whole situation come to pass.) But from just wine? How much wine could this woman have had during this football game? Who is she, Friar Tuck? (And who drinks wine at a college football game anyway?) And while her husband is waiting for her back in their seats?

Finally, I'd point out that, as far as I know, the official definition of a "cougar" is a woman over 40. But Feldman is 38 and Walsh only 26...and I'd have to think something like this would qualify. Or we have to make an exception or something. If Lois Feldman isn't a cougar, the word has lost all meaning.