An Open Letter to My Mexican Neighbors

Dear Mexican Neighbors -

Don't worry...This isn't some anti-immigrant screed where I'm gonna single you all out as responsible for this problem or that. To be honest, by and large, you seem alright. Like a solid bunch of people. I got no major problems with you. I don't think you should have to vote in English or pay the government money to stay here or put up with the racist LAPD or any of that crap. Seriously.

So, Mexicans living in my general vicinity, now that you know I'm alright - not one of those - I just have one question...What's with the accordian music? Several of you have been bumping it all weekend. And I know for a fact you're not extremely old people or anything. In fact, as far as I can tell, you're holding a gathering of individuals around my age.

Surely you've heard some of our contemporary musical genres? I mean, there have been HUGE progressive developments in the music industry since polka's heydey. Maybe, every once in a while, as a lark, I could understand throwing on some accordian music, just to keep the cultural heritage alive or whatever. Like the obnoxious American hipsters who swear with a straight face that Leadbelly is, seriously, their all time favorite songwriter. But non-stop mariachi songs and sea chanties for a few days on end? It's like living in Tortuga.

So, to sum up, not trying to offend anyone. I think 48 hours of the Chicken Dance is causing me to go a bit sideways. Thanks for your continued understanding. Best of luck with that whole "President trying to steal away your civil rights while no one's looking" thing.

Sincerely,
Lons