A Bold Piece of Political Strategery

This is exactly the sort of innovative, outside-the-box thinking the Democratic Party needs.

An Air Force officer pleaded guilty Friday to defacing cars with bumper stickers supporting
President Bush's name and was given a two-year deferred sentence.

Lt. Col. Alexis Fecteau, a decorated officer who flew 500 combat hours in the Gulf War, Kosovo and Bosnia, pleaded guilty to felony mischief and must pay restitution to the owners of the damaged cars to clear his record.

Of course! Now it all makes sense! If you disagree with the President's policies, the only natural response is to vandalize the personal property of his nominal supporters! I think if John Kerry had spent more time on the campaign trail knocking over mailboxes and leaving bags of doody on Bush voters' front porches, he'd be our President today.

Fecteau, 43, of Colorado Springs, did not speak during the hearing nor comment after it.

Too bad. Here's a guy I'd really like to hear from. Get his thoughts on life, some perspective on who Alexis Fecteau really is and what he's all about. Maybe make a little gift book out of it, something you could sell at the front bargain table at the local Hallmark store.

I'm making fun of him, and of course it's intensely stupid to just damage random automobiles because of a sticker...but it's not like I don't know where he's coming from. I get kind of pissed off when I see idiots who still have that white oval "W" decal on their car.

"Hey, asswipe. That was already a stupid call back in '04. The only people who still love George W. are, in order:

(1) Dr. James Dobson
(2) Joe Lieberman
(3) Little Baby Jesus
(4) George Bush Sr. (but not Bar, who has never been fond of the boy)
(5) Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaida's Recruiting Department
(6) Jim Beam

That's it. Get with the program!"

But, of course, you can't really destroy something they love just because they're ignorant and they admire insecure authoritarians. It might be kind of fun, but it's just not responsible behavior. Better to follow them wherever they're going, hide out while they go about their business and then brutally attack them with whatever blunt implement happens to be available nearby once they return to their vehicle.

Mulligan said the plea agreement "affords Lt. Col. Fecteau the opportunity to get back on track," noting his record will be cleared in two years if he stays out of trouble.

How humiliating must it be for a court to offer you this kind of deal.

"Okay, Alexis...If you promise, really promise, not to deface the cars of Bush supporters for two years, we'll let you go. Does that sound like something you can do?"

Yikes.

You know what kind of cars I'd like to deface, if I were in that particular line? PT Cruisers. Not to make any kind of political statement or anything. I just think they look fucking stupid.